Getting into a relationship may seem like flowers and rainbows, but just because you’re super happy, doesn’t mean everyone around you is going to excuse your bad behaviour. Many of my friends, and I’m sure many of you, have had to deal with a roommate getting into a relationship and now you feel like you can’t ever walk around without pants on because you have a NEW roommate. It gets especially hard if you’re living with your friends because the last thing you want is to put a strain on your relationship. I’ve compiled a list of dos and don’ts (mostly don’ts) that every person in a relationship with roommates should know without anyone needing to say it out loud.
DO tell your roommate if your S.O. is coming over for x amount of days.
There’s nothing more annoying than lack of communication. If you want your S.O. to come over, do not make it last more than two nights in a row. There are other people in that home. And it doesn’t hurt to let them know the plan so they know what to expect (i.e. when they can walk around without pants) (it’s important).
DON’T use the bathroom together, especially if you share it.
No showers together, no baths together, no brushing your teeth together. If this is a common space for you and your roommate(s), then this is completely prohibited. Chances are you’re going to be in there for so long that one of your roommates will need to pee.
DON’T intrude and take over common areas unless everyone is invited.
Spooning on the couch watching a college basketball game when the roomies want to watch the Bachelor is not cool. Majority wins in common areas, and this also goes for the kitchen. If you want to make a romantic dinner for two, don’t use up all the pots and pans, and don’t do it when all your roomies are home and need to make their own food. Being in a relationship doesn’t give you the right to play house with your S.O.
DON’T fight/ argue in common spaces.
It’s awkward for everyone and us roommates won’t find it entertaining. We’ll be pretending to watch TV but low-key eavesdropping, and that’s not what you want.
DON’T have your S.O. live with you if they’re not paying rent/ your roomies aren’t cool with it.
Unless there is a proper agreement between all roommates, your S.O. should not be there 24/7. They are not to use your roommates’ things, including toothpaste or any other things that do not belong to their boo. Common spaces and materials are divided as if the significant other does not live there and does not pay rent. For example, fridge space, pantry space, any commonly shared shelving units are to be split amongst the individuals paying rent. Significant others are to occupy the allotted space their partner already has.
DON’T have sex in common spaces.
I don’t need to explain this one. It’s gross and we hate you. Just stay away from common spaces altogether unless absolutely necessary (peeing or snacking) (just stay out of the way).
DON’T have sleepovers every single day of the week.
Many people think that just because you’re living on your own, sleeping with S.O. every night is a must. You don’t have to do this; I personally don’t because I like my space. Don’t become so attached to your partner that sleeping alone makes you upset. That should never happen because there will be times when you won’t sleep together (aka family vacations, moving home for the summer, etc.). Also, your roommates will appreciate it too.
DO communicate with your roommates and your partner.
Being in the middle can be very difficult, but speaking to them about their feelings, your feelings, and the changes they would like to see can be very rewarding in the long run. The last thing you want is to drive a wedge between your roommates/friends and your S.O., so being open and honest will go a long way. Ensure both parties aren’t afraid to speak up if there is a problem. Roommates are allowed to say no because it is most likely justified and not because they’re jealous. Your roommates want you to be happy, and so does your partner, so compromising and communication is key.
I want to point out that every relationship is different, and so is every living situation. But if you think you are different from what I have explained above, ensure your roommates are okay with the way things are currently going, because it doesn’t hurt!