Because we like it when things are a little spicy in the bedroom.
Communication is a crucial component of sex. Whether you and your partner have been together for a long time or you are just starting out, it is important that you discuss what you want and do not want in bed. Of course, talking about sex can be awkward, but I am here to help you learn how to make sure that you are not only responsible, but things are damn steamy in the bedroom.
Be prepared to learn… and make mistakes.
There is no magic recipe to know exactly what to add to the pot to make the perfect sweet, warm, steamy lava cake, but use your best judgement and don’t be afraid of saying something, or anything. A good S.O. will be able to laugh off anything that doesn’t come out exactly as planned, and be willing to try again.
Tell your partner what you want.
Everyone knows what they like (and if you don’t you should definitely start exploring) and you should feel comfortable telling your partner what that is It will make the sex so much better for you and make your partner so much happier that they are MORE than satisfying you. And full disclosure, a big dick is not what I am into – you are currently getting your sex advice from a lesbian. But then again, who better to know not only what us ladies are into, but also what a S.O. wants to hear from their girl?
Be confident.
Know and truly believe how beautiful you are. If your S.O. does not see or make you feel like the sexiest woman alive – especially during sex – you do not need them. Be confident and know that you deserve the best damn sex a girl can get.
Be communicative.
You have probably heard this a million times but communication is everything in any level of a relationship. When you’re having sex, you want to make sure that you tell your partner when to start, stop, and go faster. You also want to be aware of your boundaries and personal limits, as well as theirs. They may not initially understand everything that you like, or may not enjoy it. If you communicate with your partner, you will be able to connect better and understand what they want and why. If they know what you want, they will be able to meet your needs… every last desire. If you and your S.O. have not had a lot of communication regarding sexual activity in the past, tell them you want to have more conversations in the bedroom and start subtle. Start by telling them how much you want them, how much you have been thinking about them, and the things you would like to do to them, and slowly increase the intensity.
Be descriptive.
A voluminous vocabulary is remarkably sexy. It’s amazing how hot it is to hear how someone wants to pleasure you, and how they are going to do it, down to every second. It’s like listening to an audio book of 50 Shades of Grey (I mean depending on how kinky you are) except the events are actually happening to you.
Ask your partner what they want.
Sex is a two-person game and as much fun as it is to get everything you want, it is even more fun to know that your mate is having their craziest dreams come true. It is almost (relax, I said almost) as good as an orgasm when you hear your sexual partner uncontrollably and unequivocally express that you are not only the hottest sex they have ever had, but also the wildest. Take chances and really listen to what they want and how their body responds. You will be able to turn their every fantasy into a reality that only YOU exist in. Trust me when I say that it is the simplest yet the craziest turn on to hear a girl whisper in your ear “is that what you wanted?” It will make your entire body shiver while you’re pretty sure you’re having a dream because it is way too spicy to be your reality. But it is. Because your dream sex life is whatever you make it. Once you start talking in bed, your partner will feel heard and will become more comfortable telling you more about their interests, fantasies, and dirty secrets.
Do not force it.
I have made this mistake before. I am really into being verbally descriptive in bed and I have dated girls that were extremely shy and a little embarrassed about talking about what they wanted and weren’t sure how to even tell me (if only she had this guide back then). Good things take time so give your partner time to get comfortable with themselves and allow them to move at a pace they are capable of.
Don’t be afraid to try something different and new.
Trying something new can be extremely exciting and if you have been with someone for a while, you have probably tested the waters but now it is time to dive in. Life is short and when you’re sleeping with someone you trust and can experiment with, toys aren’t just for kids anymore. When you get into an experimental area of sex, discuss your intentions and your desires with your sexual partner. If there is anything that they say or do that you are uncomfortable with, tell them immediately. Everything in bed should be just as enjoyable for you as it is for them.
Two words: Role. Play.
Personally, I think this is the best thing that has happened to my life since coming out. Role-play allows you to escape from whatever stressful situation that school, work, or life has you in and become someone completely different. It creates an entire new dialogue of innuendo, subtext, and imagination that can revolutionize your sex game. Be whoever the hell you want to be… and so much more.
Text and tease.
Probably the most juvenile trick in the book, and not something I would recommend with someone you don’t trust or know well, (due to the whole screenshot ability and lack of privacy etc.) but texting is hot and easy. People are always more bold when a screen comes into play and you can use that to your advantage. Start small with something as simple as “thinking about you” with a winky face emoji or tell your mate what you are (or are not) wearing. This will stir the pot and get you teasing each other. From there you can get about as vulgar as you wish until you see each other next and can barely say two words before you’re ripping the clothes off of each other’s backs – because everything has been said… and now you know what needs to be done.
And get dirty.
I am unsure why you’re still reading this… I could barely get through writing it without thinking about all the things I should and could be saying to my extremely sexy girlfriend. So go ahead, test out the waters and take control of your sex life with your own lips. Happy talking ladies.