It’s an all too familiar story. There’s been a messy breakup and pints of ice cream surround a sweatpants-clad girl as she sighs dramatically. She turns her mascara-rimmed eyes to her friend and says, “I really should have known from the first red flag.” It’s a depressing and redundant trope that, frankly, I know all too well.
To change things up, and to try to prevent reliving such a cliché scenario again, I decided to ask friends who all identify as being in happy, long-term relationships about what green flags they noticed in their partners at the beginning of their relationships. So, without further ado, let’s hear from the people who have cracked the code:
1. He supported her ambitions
One friend said that she felt like he truly supported her ambition and academics by being happy to take a break from going to the movies or getting dinner. Instead, they would go on study dates together. She didn’t need to sacrifice what was important to her while investing in the relationship.
2. He was a gentleman
Another green flag was how polite he was when they went on their first dates. Her now-boyfriend opened the car door for her, and she appreciated how sweet and classic the gesture was.
3. Deep conversations right from the start
This green flag was repeated by a few different people, so pay attention! One of the most consistent green flags was that they found they were able to have engaging conversations that lasted for hours very quickly with their partners. Small talk, who?
4. What other people said about him
If you have mutual friends with a potential partner, ask around and see what other people’s opinions are of him. One friend said that she was certain that she wanted to pursue something with a friend because it seemed like everyone who knew him only had positive things to say. It was comforting to know that he wasn’t only nice to her because he wanted to impress her, but was genuinely nice to everyone. I guess there’s something to be said for references.
5. He made an effort to get to know her friends
Another green flag was that the guy tried to get to know the people that were important to her by asking about them in their conversations. When he went over to her place for the first time, he introduced himself to her roommates instead of immediately slinking into her bedroom. This showed that he cared about what the people who matter to her thought of him, making it clear that he was around for the long-haul.
It’s important to keep your eye out for red flags, but I think it’s equally important to look for the signs that someone you’re talking to is actually worth investing your time into and that you can have a happy relationship together.