In my 21 years on this earth, I have been involved in many situation-ships and I have come to the conclusion that they are probably one of the worst relationships you can get yourself involved in.
Getting to know someone and develop feelings for them just to have it go absolutely nowhere sucks, and it sucks even more when you’re left trying to figure out how to move on from somebody you technically never even had. Most of the time, you’re left trying to get closure on your own, but there are some ways that can make that process easier and allow you to move on to better things.
Acknowledge your feelings
Even if you never got the chance to express your feelings to the other person, it is still important to acknowledge the way that you felt about them. The amount of time that you spent together or the lack of label on your relationship does not invalidate your feelings in any way, no matter how the other person felt about you. Listen to some sad music and cry it out if you have to, but remember to pick yourself back up and move on from what could have been.
Realize the difference between reality and potential
When we are put into situations like this, oftentimes we only get to experience the positives that someone can bring to the table, as people often only display the best versions of themselves during the beginning of a relationship. Sometimes, we put it into our heads that this person would have been such a good boyfriend/girlfriend because they did things like make us laugh or did that one really nice thing for us that one time. The reality is, there are a lot of people out there that can make us laugh or do nice things, but there are only a few that can provide us with the support that is necessary to have in a significant other.
Accept that there will be things left unsaid
The annoying thing with relationships that never happened is that since there was never a concrete beginning between you two, there is often not a concrete ending to your relationship either. Whether they blatantly tell you that they don’t want to date you, things fizzle out between the two of you or you just never hear from them again, there is a lot that can get left unsaid. It is important to accept that you may never get to have a final conversation with this person where everything can get tied up in a neat little bow, and that’s okay. Even if you do end up having a final conversation with this person, they may not be receptive to what you’re saying or might just end up telling you the things that they think you want to hear. Something that I find helpful is writing out everything that I wish I could say to the other person and throwing it away. This might just be the dramatic person in me, but it really helps me to start the process of moving on.
Focus on yourself
Use this time to do what you need to do to make yourself happy and get your life back to normal. Remember, you had a life before them and you will continue to have a life without them too.
The last time I went through a situation like this, I spent a lot of time back home with my mom (aka the person who makes me the happiest) and just vented to her about how I was feeling about the boy problems in my life. Having this time with my mom (and ranting about how men are trash while drinking tea in the middle of McDonalds) made me feel so much better and really helped me start to be less sad about the situation. You can also spend this time focusing on goals that you have for yourself, whether it’s getting an A in that class or pushing yourself to run a certain distance during your next workout.
Don’t villainize the other person
If someone doesn’t want to be your boyfriend or girlfriend, it doesn’t make them a bad person. Sometimes, it can be better to end things before they even begin if someone knows that they don’t feel the way that they should about you and drag you into something they know they aren’t ready for.
Also, we need to be honest with ourselves during this time and realize that we can often break our own hearts by putting ourselves into situations that we know are just going to hurt us. So, ask yourself – should I have been more forward about what I wanted from the beginning? Are there things I can do in the future to avoid feeling like this?
Avoid things/situations that might put you in a bad place
DO NOT (and I can’t stress this enough) try to purposely show up somewhere you know they’re going to be. What you expect to happen (them seeing you, regretting letting you go and asking for you back) is not going to happen, and you’re just setting yourself up for disappointment. Also, if you know that drinking is just going to make you feel sadder and lead you to calling them up and begging for them back – here’s an idea – don’t drink.
Let go and don’t lose hope
Just because this one person doesn’t want to be with you doesn’t mean that there isn’t someone out there for you. You deserve to have a great love and it will come to you when the time is right. Great love will be one of the easiest things in the world and you should never have to convince another person to want to be with you. When you’re ready, get back into the dating scene, but not if you’re just trying to prove something to people around you.
Getting closure from relationships that never developed into anything can be a confusing and difficult process. Even though you may never get a full understanding of why someone didn’t want to pursue a serious relationship with you, just know that you don’t have to understand something to move on from it.
At the end of the day, someone that wants to be with you will make it happen and will never leave you questioning where your relationship stands. And remember, you’re never asking for too much, you’re just asking the wrong person.