As someone who hasn’t been in a relationship during university, I’ve been able to play third wheel in my friend’s relationships. I’ve also been able to observe how people are affected by their relationships. Because we’re in the most exciting period of our lives (feel free to disagree), where we are the least attached, finding our own way, and enjoying life as it comes, it seems ridiculous to me to be thinking about finding the one, settling down, and starting a family. After all, there is so much more out there to explore.
I understand that this is not how everyone views life, so as the friend who is single, I have some advice that may serve as more of a reminder to those in their university years, and in a relationship.
Remember your happiness should always come first
Some people feel pressured to take their romantic relationship seriously, and to work hard to maintain it, because where are you going to find someone when university is over? Some are genuinely in relationships with the person they are meant to spend their lives with and working hard to make sure that relationship is thriving. Regardless of the circumstances of your relationship, this is not the time to be compromising your happiness for another person. This is the time to be exploring all of the possibilities that contribute to maintaining your own happiness and what you want to get out of your life.
Your education shouldn’t be less of a priority
It’s easy to get swept away by new feelings and daydream about new love. It’s also easy to get behind in school, lose focus, and slip when it comes to prioritizing school work. This is the tough love part…
YOU ARE PAYING FOR SCHOOL, NOT A SIGNIFICANT OTHER.
Therefore,
Going to class > going on a date
Finishing an assignment > going on a date
Studying for a midterm > going on a date.
Make sure you are nourishing the friendships you had before you met the person of your dreams
Something I’ve noticed is that it’s pretty easy to become consumed with a relationship- something I fear. Many people treat their friends as expendable when they get in a relationship. It seems easy to tell your friends you’re too busy, but never do the same for a significant other. As university students working for our futures, it’s hard to balance friends, romantic relationships, and our education. Unfortunately, it often happens that friends are the ones left behind, and expected to be there when relationships end. As much as it is hard to find a solid balance, friends will be there for you regardless of if your university relationship lasts. Make sure you’re taking time for your friends and what’s going on in their lives.
The positive light you see your significant other in is not the same light everyone else does
Actions speak louder than words, not just when it comes to social justice. You should not have to brag about your significant other and what makes them great. If they are an amazing person, you shouldn’t have to campaign for people to believe you. You should let them find that out on their own- well, you should be able to. It’s almost like hearing so many good things about a person builds up this suspense, or the idea that they radiate nothing but goodness, and this sometimes turns people in the opposite direction. If your partner is someone you want your friends to get to know, let them do it on their own, so they can formulate their own positive opinion.
It’s your relationship, not everyone is going to understand it
Some of us are going to roll our eyes at you, some of us aren’t going to give you the reaction you hope for when your significant other does something cute for you, and some of us are going to disagree with the dynamic of your relationship. People want different things out of their relationships, and every relationship is unique. When asking for others’ opinions or advice, you’re going to get responses you don’t always want to hear. This doesn’t automatically mean there is something wrong with your relationship, but you don’t get to dismiss the opinions you ask for either.
Relationships are important, romantic and platonic. There’s a lot to consider, and there’s definitely a lot to think about. The most important thing is your happiness, and how you achieve that is up to you.