1. People have no idea what to say.
That’s okay, and sometimes you won’t know what to say either. You’ll hear the same things over and over again, and you just might want to scream after you’ve heard it about 100 times. You’ll also learn that because people don’t know what to say, they might be a bit insensitive without intending to be. They mean well, but hearing “She’s in a better place,” for the tenth time that day when all you want is them here might make you a bit punchy.
2. Random things can hurt the most.
It took me 5 and a half months to be able to listen to the Sam Smith CD in my car because it was my mom’s favourite. It can seem ridiculous, and it might not make sense, but sometimes the smallest things can send you into a seemingly random flurry of tears. Things, like listening to a song, watching a movie, or even eating at a restaurant, can send me right over the edge, and that’s okay, too. Grief makes no sense and can manifest in a thousand different ways, and you have to learn that as long as you’re not hurting yourself or others, the way you deal with your pain is up to you.
3. Things that change your life can happen in an instant.
You’ll learn this before any of your peers, and it can totally change your perspective. I learned that every single thing in my life could change without my mom, and it’s pretty scary. These things can happen so fast that it’s hard to wrap your head around it, but sometimes you need to sit down, take a break, and breathe. Within 4 months after my mom passed I had started a new semester, been on an international exchange, had my house sold, and signed a lease on a new apartment. It’s crazy, but it’s part of life.
4. Some days it’ll hit you HARD.
Some days, you might even forget that it happened, and then when you realize, you’ll feel like a terrible person for forgetting. But that’s okay, because you can’t wallow in grief every second of every day, and life does have to go on. But other days, it’s going to feel like you can’t do anything or think, or even breathe without feeling like you’ve been kicked in the stomach. That’s okay, too. You’re allowed to have days where you can’t stop crying, or you just sit there looking at pictures. You’re allowed to feel grief and sadness. You’re allowed to feel.
5. People are the most important part of life.
Not a job, or school, or where you live, or what you do. It’s easy to take for granted how important the people you love are and all of the little things they add to your life. Most people don’t learn this until they’re older, but when you lose one of the people who has been by your side since you were born, you realize just how much of your life revolves around your relationships with others. Not only does it sometimes make it hurt more, but it also makes you hold the people you have left tighter and appreciate all the amazing ways they make your life better.
I’m not going to pretend that there’s some silver lining, some “hidden positive,” to losing your parent while you’re young, because there isn’t. There are these five things, and a bunch more things you’ll learn, but it doesn’t somehow make up for it; it just makes you a different person than you were before.