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Finishing Off a Little More Than Just the Turkey

Okay, so you tried the long distance thing with your high school sweetie, but things aren’t going to well. The Turkey Dump may be just what you need.  For those who don’t know, a “turkey dump” is when a student returning from university breaks up with their significant other from high school – given its name because it traditionally takes place over Thanksgiving break, the first time most students return home from school (duh, talk about convenience). Anyways, breaking up isn’t fun, but let me give you some helpful hints so you can execute the turkey dump seamlessly.

Be Sure!

Be sure to really think it through: do you want to be single, or is this just a one-time thought? Breaking up is hard enough without having to doubt your feelings after, so really think it through and trust your gut instinct.

Distance Yourself

This process begins while still away. Slow your responses to texts, snapchats, and other social media outlets. This will make your partner kind of get the hint of what is to come, or at least will give you some space so you don’t feel as attached.  Try to cut back on the “I love you” and mushy stuff, because that just makes it harder for everyone.

Do Not Make Future Plans

This is a big one. The main purpose you’re going home for is Thanksgiving… do not invite them. The last thing you need is to introduce them to your great-grandma, get their hopes up about your future, and then crush them.

Do it in Person

So you’re home now; make it clear that you would like to get together to talk privately (if possible). If you don’t know the feeling of a “we need to talk text,” it will pretty much make you die a little inside… but it needs to happen. When having this break-up conversation, be honest, give your reasons, and stand firm. Brace yourself because they may cry or get angry. Remember, you do not need to feel bad because you lost feelings, so don’t let them bring you down.

Bounce Back

Now I don’t expect you to be all happy-go-lucky and at the bar the next day looking for a new prince charming, BUT I will give you some good ole tips for keeping yourself happy after the recent breakup.

1) LOOK HOT – not for anyone but you… if you look hot, you feel hot. Who doesn’t want that little confidence booster?

2) UNPLUG – yep, sorry social media, but go on a little hiatus for 24 hours. Do you really need to see all those what happened messages right now? NOPE.

3) STUFF YOUR FACE WITH LEFTOVERS – it’s Thanksgiving; what a perfect time to be single and have all this comfort food right at your fingertips. So yes, eat a whole bowl of mashed potatoes and 2 slices of pie. No one’s judging you.

4) CUDDLE – go cuddle up in some blankets, hug your dog, hug your mom, hug your cat, hug a pillow… just hug something!!!

Break-ups are never fun, but hey, now you’re going back to school with a fresh new single girl attitude and a sh*t ton of leftovers. Life really couldn’t get much better. Happy Turkey Dumping!


Wilfrid Laurier '19

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