Having moved to a new city, freshly single, I have had my fair share of first dates – and my fair share of bad ones. With a nearly 60-hour class week there is no time to be wasted. Being able to be upfront about not feeling it with someone has therefore become one of my strong suits. Telling people that you’re not feeling it can be hard, and though most people opt for ghosting, part of being a mature adult is being able to communicate properly. Nobody wants to be left on read wondering what went wrong. I’m better than that and you’re better than that!
First thing’s first, the minute you know you don’t want it to go any further, you need to say something. It doesn’t make you mean, it makes you upfront and that is something completely respectable. Nobody wants to be led on and you don’t want to waste your time on something you know is going nowhere. Think of all the times you thought something was going somewhere, only for it to end up being nothing. It sucked. Don’t be that person.
After you know for sure, it’s time to figure out how to say it. This is going to depend on how long you guys have been seeing each other. If it’s only been one date and it was terrible, hopefully they felt the same way. On the off chance they felt differently, right then and there is your golden opportunity. Don’t let it go on for too long. If you’re still figuring things out that’s okay, but if it was the absolute worst first date you’ve even been on for the love of god don’t tell them you’ve had a good time. You may cringe, no in fact you will cringe, but you have to say it. Something along the lines of “sorry, I just wasn’t feeling it” is completely okay to say. In fact, you should say it. Don’t flirt around the subject. Be nice but be direct.
This brings me to my second point, still be nice about it. There is a thin line between firm and nice that you need to hit. Make sure you’re direct enough so that there is no miscommunication, but nice enough so that you’re not hurting someone’s feelings. People are people and we all feel things, however, don’t let your empathy turn into pity. The last thing anybody wants is to be dated out of pity. You are doing no one any favours when you do that and more importantly you are wasting everyone’s time. You know how you feel, let it be known and don’t look back. Now go forth and go on many more terrible dates, and some good ones as well.