Hi Mik, I need advice!
In September, I moved into a new apartment with guys for roommates. I’ve gotten pretty close with one of them and I’m starting to catch feelings. I don’t know what to do! He’s a super cool guy and I really like him, but I don’t know how he feels! Do I tell him straight up? I don’t want to make the apartment awkward because we have 3 other roommates. He’s a total player, but I’ve seen his soft side and I really like him!
Signed,
Confused Roommate
Hi Confused Roommate,
When living with guys, sometimes spending a lot of time with them can lead to a case of the FEELS. As much as I advocate for honesty and openness, there’s a few things you need to consider before acting on your feelings.
First, is this just a crush or super real feelings? Because if it’s just a crush, they sometimes happen and will fade as soon as they come. But if they are real feelings and they can’t seem to go away, then maybe it would be best to let him know how you feel.
Next, are you planning on living together again next year? Because if you do tell him and you were to get together, you have to think about the long term. If you two were to break up, how would it affect your living arrangements?
Lastly, think of the end goal and what you want out of this. Are you looking for a relationship? Do you just want to have some fun together? Because if you’re not looking for a relationship with him, hooking up could lead you into a pretty dangerous territory of awkwardness and discomfort with him and the rest of your roommates. But if you want a relationship then go for it!
I wish you the best!
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Dear Mik,
I’m 20 years old and have been dating the same guy for 3 years. We’ve talked about getting married and moving in together for over a year and he’s dropped a few hints about getting engaged. I really want to get engaged and married someday, but I feel like my parents and my friends will think we are CRAZY to get married now. We both have 2 years left of our undergrads and I think I want to go to law school after. Are we making a mistake?
Dating for three years is a long time, especially at 20 years old. You’ve spent a lot of time together during the years when you really develop as a person, and that’s great!
I think if you both want to get engaged and married then do it; you shouldn’t worry about what other people think as long as you two are happy.
What I would take into consideration here is how much time, money, and effort goes into planning a wedding. Especially since you both still have two more years of school (which is a lot of money to pay for right there), and you want to go to law school after (more $$$), you must decide if it would be financially feasible to get engaged and married at this point. Also, are you both able to dedicate the time required for planning your wedding? You’re both so young and you have so much time, so if the money and time just isn’t there right now, then what’s the rush? You’re happy and in love!
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Hey Mik,
I’ve been with Josh for just over a year and we aren’t really seeing eye-to-eye anymore. The problem is I really love his friends; they’ve become some of my best friends, and I enjoy my time with them more than my time with Josh. Is it ok to dump him but stay friends with his friends?
I’m sorry to hear about your relationship, contemplating breaking up is never fun!
I think that in the beginning, Josh’s friends may be more inclined to spend more time with him. That doesn’t mean you can’t still be friends with them, but that things may be different for a little bit while the dust settles.
You’re best bet would be to end things in the most amicable way possible. That way, when the heartbreak heals, you will be able to spend time with his friends without any resentment from Josh.
Best of luck!