You’ve probably heard these phrases countless times and will continue to hear them throughout your life:
“Oh, she’s not that pretty, it’s just the makeup.”
“He’s not even working at a good company.”
“I could’ve been on Honour Roll if I spent 24/7 studying like she did.”
It’s incredibly easy to diminish someone else as invalidating other people’s accomplishments is a feat that comes almost effortlessly to most of us. The real challenge is recognizing when someone is succeeding (perhaps even more than you are) and acknowledging their capabilities.
What’s an Inferiority Complex?
You’ve probably heard the term inferiority complex, but what does this really mean and how on earth does it tie into what I’m saying? An inferiority complex is a term used to describe people who compensate for feelings of inferiority (aka feeling like they’re less than other people or not as good as others) by acting in ways that make them appear superior. People tend to do this because devaluing someone else’s triumphs makes them feel better about themselves. In essence, people’s own inadequacies cause them to project onto others in an effort to save their self-esteem.
I think it’s safe to say that we’ve all done this before or have seen this done before. Someone in your program gets a fancy job at a fancy company and your first reaction may be to gossip among your friends to find a fault in what they’ve done. Or maybe your ex finds a new person in their life and you and your friends take to ripping apart their new significant other because of course, no one was as good as you. Or even better, you see someone post on social media about their success and your first thought is that they’re bragging and that it can’t have been that hard to achieve if they managed to achieve it.
Dealing with Insecurities
Finding faults within other people is almost as easy as ignoring the faults in ourselves. Low self-esteem and a lack of accountability provide a great pathway for people to justify their shortcomings to preserve their self-image. I used to be one of these people. I was self-conscious about a lot of things – my looks, my abilities and my future, just to name a few. Low self-esteem coupled with a lack of self-awareness meant that when I heard someone succeed, I automatically doubted them and their abilities because I secretly wanted to emulate them and their accomplishments. It took a long time for me to realize that discrediting and trying to devalue others didn’t actually make me feel better at all.
Introspection & Growth
It’s arguably one of the hardest things to do, but self-awareness and being critical of yourself are some of the only ways to improve as a person. Recognizing your faults and shortcomings is an essential part of personal growth. Nowadays, if I begin to diminish someone else my first thought is to hold myself personally accountable. Nine times out of ten these thoughts come from a place of insecurity and being able to recognize this has helped me slowly change my thought process. Not only does it benefit me but I think society as a whole would improve if people participated in introspection.
So next time you’re intimidated by someone and their success, ask yourself: are they intimidating or are you just intimidated?