Social distancing and the ongoing pandemic have led to a lot of undisturbed thinking time. As I turned 20 in quarantine, I began wondering: are our 20s really our most defining years? Read on and decide for yourself….
The Defining Decade by Psychologist Meg Jay
You can’t go wrong with a book recommendation from a Wilfrid Laurier alum! I casually began reading this book during the Winter break of 2019 and finally got around to completing it before the pandemic. Meg Jay puts in simple terms how many events and connections we commonly make in our twenties can greatly impact the rest of our lives. The book itself is recommended to “any recent college grad in a quarter-life crisis,” intended to motivate them to see how important their twenties can be to the rest of their lives. What if our twenties aren’t the only time we develop substantial relationships, careers and life paths?
Coming of age throughout our life stages, but mainly in early adolescence, has long been studied by researchers and writers alike; this refers to the period in a person’s life when they transition from the innocence of childhood to adulthood maturity. Yet, this time frame of shifting from life stages can vary from person to person.
Coming of age is a universal human experience that numerous films, stories and novels depict. Many we were required to study or watch in high schools, such as:
- The Catcher in The Rye by J.D Salinger
- To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
- The Outsiders by. S.E Hinton
- The Breakfast Club
Or more recent movies and books, including:
- Lady Bird
- Moonlight
- To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before series by Jenny Han
- Call Me By Your Name
- The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chobsky
It’s easy to understand why this time in our lives, primarily during our twenties as we move out of our teen years, plays such an important role in our experiences and growth.
Our twenties are often a unique time of self-discovery. For some, this means moving away from home for the first time, having new jobs or living in new cities and studying. It’s a time when we frequently begin to grasp the concept that we are growing up so we must move forward from childlike innocence. Many begin to look ahead to having a career, being in a long-term relationship or raising children of our own. Our responsibilities have become more important. We also may face some of life’s harsh realities.
All these shifts inevitably can change who we are and what our futures might become. That’s why just about every society reflects on coming of age, each in its own way, moving toward defining ourselves individually for our future.
Now What?
With all this research linked to the subject of my 20s being a defining decade, I believed I would inevitably miss out on this aspect due to the pandemic and it was driving me crazy. That was until I shifted my perspective and applied it to my research that perhaps defining ages could be an ongoing renewal and learning process. However, perhaps it mainly occurs or is realized and developed in our 20s?
Identity Capital is your individual story…
When you can understand yourself and your potential, then you can begin to define who you are. However, identity capital is constantly changing and expanding. Committing to growth is commonly attributed to university or college courses, work experience and achievement or awards. Still, it can cover anything you can utilize to move forward and succeed individually.
Deconstructing the meaning of “Defining”
What all this research means is up to you! Our life cycles and stages are always up for individual interpretation separate from societal collectivity, which is often discovered in our twenties. What you will do in your twenties, and the rest of your life, to build your identity capital is up to you and how you will let these experiences define your growth individually.
Lived “defining” experiences can be different for everyone! Thus if your 20s will be your “defining” decade is up to interpretation…
Facts Sourced From
Winnicott D. W. The Maturational Processes and the Facilitating Environment. Madison, Conn.:International Universities Press, 1965
Jay, Meg. The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter and How to Make the Most of Them Now. New York, NY: Twelve, 2012.
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