For those of you who have the great pleasure of dating a sarcastic a**hole like I do, you’ll know that it isn’t always easy. On the one hand, they can be hilarious, but on the other, they can say the most obscene s**t that makes you want to punch them in the face. So here is my “how to” on dealing with sarcasm in your relationship. These are the things you need to know if you have realized you don’t know what you have gotten yourself into and are starting to think you have made a huge mistake (which you have, unfortunately) – kidding!
1. They are always messing with you.
No matter what crazy thing comes out of their mouth, just remember they are always joking around. So try not to feel too offended when they make fun of you; it’s all fun and games with them. For example, if you are hung over one morning and your S.O. says to you, “You’re looking a little rough today, eh?”, then you can assume they’re messing with you… well, hopefully. Personally, I find it most effective to just walk away or leave the room, and eventually they’ll come looking for you. Oh, and don’t forget to add in the death glare before walking away; let them know you won’t take any crap.
2. You have to have thick skin.
There is one thing you must have if you are going to date someone who is sarcastic AF, and that is thick skin. You’ve got to be able to take a joke and throw it right back at them. So if they ask you, “Do you even know what a joke is?”, then just respond with, “Yes, actually I do; I’m looking right at one”.
3. Mean comments are just displays of affection.
If they are calling you every weird word imaginable, such as a “pest”, trust me, they like you. C’mon, they’re taking to the time to come up with all these cute nicknames just for you! You gotta appreciate it sometimes. If they call you “a piece of s**t” but then follow it up with “but you’re my piece of s**t”, then you know it’s real.
4. Texting can be difficult.
We all know how much texting can suck. Getting to know someone over text is difficult as it is, but texting a sarcastic person is one of the biggest challenges out there. It is also a fact that many people who are sarcastic over text will not use emojis, making it even harder to tell if they’re actually being serious or not. I think it’s safe to assume that they are always joking with you. So just go along with the emoji-less conversation and beat them at their own game.
5. They are not insults – they are “complisults”.
Sarcastic people tend to think they are hilarious, when in fact they’re really not. Most of the time, they can just be flat out mean. However, it is good to think of their insults as “complisults” because in their mind, they’re a friggin’ comedian. The reality is that they’re not there to bully you or to hurt your feelings; they’re just trying to push your buttons.
6. They always have to have the last word in an argument.
The only good thing (I think) about dating a sarcastic person is the fact that your arguments never really last long. They are always good at lightening the mood and making jokes. Even if it isn’t at the best time, they still know how to make you laugh. This is especially true if you are mid-argument and your S.O. responds to you with, “Sorry, I don’t understand the language of b**ch” or “You know what would be nice? If you didn’t have a mouth.” These are guaranteed to end your fight right then and there.
7. You can’t let their difficult responses get to you.
When asking a sarcastic person a question, never expect a serious answer. 99.999% of the time, they will respond to your question with an overly rude comment. For example, if you see them put cranberry juice into their grocery cart and you ask them, “Do you like cranberry juice?” you can expect an answer like, “No, I’m just putting it in my cart.” That’s when you give the death glare and just walk away.
As my boyfriend likes to say, “sarcasm needs balance.” So to those of you out there dating a sarcastic person, make sure they are treating you right and balancing out their rudeness with kindness. So I guess that means I will be taken out on a nice date sometime soon… ;)