Why We Need to Talk About Female Masturbation and Sexual Pleasure

"Let’s talk about sex, baby. Let’s talk about you and me. Let’s talk about all the good things and the bad things, that may be...Let’s talk about sex.”

We love to talk about sex, especially when it’s in relation to the male’s pleasure, and especially in heteronormative relationships. Usually, when they guy comes, the sex is over,  the girl is left high and dry, wondering what an orgasm feels like.

Ladies, we need to get to know our bodies. We need to spend some time exploring and learning what we like, so that we can teach our partners what to do once they get under the hood. We at least need to  talk about female masturbation.

Your vagina is a complex creature. Once you learn your body and play around a little bit, you’ll realize that you need to get your rocks off too”—while your partner’s orgasm is important, yours should be just as important, and just as necessary.

More often than not, guys willingly and openly discuss their dicks, how often they masturbate, and what they like to masturbate to. When a woman is asked if she masturbates, more often than not, she will blush, and shake her head no. Why are we so ashamed of masturbating? Why are we so afraid of getting to know what makes us tick and what our bodies need? Why are we seen as promiscuous for literally anything remotely sexual that we do? Only half of females aged 18-25 report that they masturbate, while over two thirds of males aged 18-25 masturbate. To me, that number of females who masturbate seems high — when my friends and I discuss masturbation, it is always with a hint of embarrassment, or in hushed tones. When does this stop? Do we grow out of being embarrassed by our bodies?

Women who masturbate aren’t dirty, and there is nothing wrong with women who masturbate at all. For some reason, women who masturbate are considered dirty, and that makes no sense to me. Your vagina is a part of your body! Masturbating should be a regular, normal part of personal maintenance, just like cutting your hair or getting a pedicure.

If you’re in a relationship, and you don’t feel that things are mutual, or you don’t feel that you are getting what you need, then you should sit down and talk to your partner. And if you don’t feel that you can talk to your partner openly and honestly about sex, then it might be time to get a new partner.

Take time to explore your body, and get to know what you like. You can use your hands, or a toy, or your partner, but definitely get comfortable with yourself. Light some candles, take a bath, and relax—your comfort is key!

If you’re located in London, definitely check out Spot of Delight, a body positive sex shop that is happy to talk sex toys and figure out what kind of toy is right for you.