“If it’s meant to be, it’ll be.”
At least, that’s what they kept telling me. If you’re like me, you were more than likely told this hundreds of times leading up to when you moved out. More importantly, you’ll have been incredibly pissed off whenever they did. I personally don’t know if I believe in fate or not – I don’t know if I can believe that someone else has a pre-determined path for me. I make my own decisions; I steer my life in the direction I choose to steer it. I wouldn’t want to live my life any other way.
If that’s the case, then why the hell did I pick Western when he picked Queen’s?
The thing is, when it came time to make the final decision, it wasn’t the happiest of moments. I knew the program was great, but all I could do was cry my eyes out because the guy I had been with for the past three years of my life was going to be torn away from me for four years. Sure, I was going into a great program, but he was something different, something special, something I couldn’t pick up at any other school. And I just made the idiotic decision to move away from him, putting us in a place where I could lose him forever. I was in a state of terror and fear.
But then I got to Western.
From the moment they dragged me out of the passenger’s seat of my car to the opening ceremonies at UC hill the next day, I felt myself in a whirlwind of loud music, energy, excitement, and purple. It was as if the events didn’t stop; I’d barely gotten myself unpacked by the time we were dragged to our first floor meeting, and from one crazy event to the next, to the next, to the next. That’s not to say I was entirely entertained by every single event, but I couldn’t help but be distracted.
And – as I’m sure most of you at o-week have experienced – it goes by in the blink of an eye. Sure, you still find yourself missing your bae from time to time, but you’ve just been so caught up in all the activities (scheduled or not) that you’ve hardly had time to think about it. You almost get this feeling as though you’re entirely on your own. You miss him and you’ve been away from him for a while now, but somehow – and you don’t really know how – you feel OK.
That’s because there’s something very incredible about this independent time in your life, and it’s not just what everyone says: it’s not just getting to go to all of these exciting big events, it’s not just about the funny profs you meet, and it’s not about decorating and re-decorating your dorm (however cute and fun it may be).
The most important thing about all of this in fact, is that this time is entirely yours. For the first time in your life, your decisions are entirely your own. You get to choose what you do with your time, but more importantly you get to choose how you feel. Do things that make you happy, discover your true passions and find things you didn’t even know you liked! Enjoy the successes, enjoy the failures; this is your life now, so relish in every moment. This is crucial, because as you do all of these silly things the sophs keep telling you to do, or try the clubs you don’t really know anything about, or force yourself to go meet new people when you’d really rather just stay in bed, you’re doing something that this place allows you to do better than anywhere else on earth: you’re discovering yourself.
And the most curious part of it all is that while you’re discovering yourself, to your surprise, you’ll find you’re becoming closer with the person you love. Though you miss him like crazy every single day, if your relationship is founded in what it truly should be, then this little bit of time apart might actually be helping you.
How so?
If your significant other really cares for you, they’ll want you to be able to have all of those experiences that allow you to get to know the world better. Also, the time apart will actually allow you to appreciate the other person so much more, and to cherish the time you do get together. But there’s something even more than all of that: because you are now becoming your own person, you’re able to appreciate them as their own person. In a relationship, you’re committing yourself to another person – but how can you commit yourself to someone if you don’t even know entirely who you are? Once you figure that out, you’ll begin to feel more confident and mature in the relationship: you’ll begin to think about them and their wellbeing, instead of what you can get out of a relationship with them. You begin to care about them more than you care about yourself, and that’s what it means to be in a committed relationship anyways.
That isn’t to say that there aren’t going to be hard moments. There will be times when you’ll be lying in bed and wish he was there beside you. There’ll be times when a song comes on the radio that reminds you of him. There may even be times when you give him a call, and either he was in a bad mood or you were, and you wind up in an argument that makes you think it’s all over. But I can guarantee you that if what you feel for each other is real, he’ll be there the next day. The key is to just have faith, and continue on in your own life. This will help both of you mature through your problems and hopefully let you move on.
So yes, when you’re feeling sad, or missing them, or wishing they were with you, for sure, eat some ice cream, binge watch your craving on Netflix, and maybe take a day to just chill in the dorm. But don’t let it get to you – just remember that the more you discover yourself, the better your relationship with that person is going to be. Yes the distance might be hard, but it honestly just may be the thing you need to make your relationship that much more valuable and better than it ever was before. Because if there’s one thing that’s just as important than caring for the other person in a relationship, it’s caring for yourself.