Before my first relationship, I always wanted to have a boyfriend. I so desperately wanted to date someone; I wanted someone to take care of me, to complete me, and to make things just a little bit easier. I wanted a partner to rely on and to be with someone who made me happy.
Now that I’ve been single again, though, I realized I don’t need that. I’m whole on my own and there are things that I can do take care of myself and to make me happy. Basically, I practice self care. Now that I’m no longer pouring myself out because I want other people to love me, I am keeping a lot of my love for myself. And it feels wonderful.
This sounds like common sense, and I thought that I already knew this. Whenever people said that people need to love themselves, I always agreed. I still do. But I never really knew what that meant, because I didn’t really even like myself; I was too busy trying to please everyone and molding myself to be whatever was needed of me. That wasn’t anyone else’s fault but mine, of course, but now that I am giving myself the energy I deserve, I am happy in a way that I have never quite been.
How does this mean that I’m dating myself? Well, I think that being “single” implies that you are missing the other half of a “couple.” It also assumes that everyone should always be in or be looking for a relationship with someone else. Single also often implies that you are not in a committed relationship, when I very much am. I’m just committed to myself and my needs, now, and I’m happy doing just that.
We’re often told that this is wrong, because it is seen as narcissism or vanity. But I think enjoying your own company and giving yourself credit eradicates a lot of suffering and a lot of searching. Instead of searching the world for the answer to my life, I’m searching within—and the more I listen to what I really want and really feel, the brighter the world is.
Dating myself also doesn’t mean I’m against a relationship. I totally still go on dates and pursue people I’m interested in, and am open to a relationship. To be honest, I think I am in a much better place than I have ever been to be someone’s partner. But spending time by myself at coffee shops or museums or just in bed is bringing me even more satisfaction than I thought possible. I’m enjoying taking time to figure out who I am, to focus on my passions, my platonic relationships, and my family. I’m not looking for a relationship with someone else, but I am also open to one if the right person comes along. But if that person doesn’t come along now or next month or next year, I’m happy with that because I’m the right person, too.