“I am so sick of being disrespected by all of the men in my life,” my friend said as she explained to me the most recent woes of her relationship. “And I am done with it.”
She went on to tell me about how she gets treated because she is the girlfriend. How she’s the controlling one, the emotional one and the one who has to stay quiet when her boyfriend’s friends say something stupid so she doesn’t come across as a bitch. Then a realization hit me like a truck.
I have always been an empowered female. It came from deep within as a girl when I watched Canadian hockey player Hailey Wickenheiser play or speak about her sport. It came roaring when I was told I couldn’t play hockey because “it wasn’t a sport for girls” by my parents. It came when I was six and was doing projects on Roberta Bondar (the first woman in space) and Serena Williams (an absolute force of nature in the sports world). I would make it my mission to prove boys in my class wrong and beat them at their games because I can and should be able to. By the time I was a teenager, I had the competitive boys softball coach ask me to play for them but turned it down because of what the boys might’ve said about me.
As a woman, I watched rap superstar Nicki Minaj speak about her expectations when she is asked to do a photo or video shoot. “When I am assertive, I’m a bitch,” Minaj explains in a clip of an interview that can be seen here. “When a man is assertive, he’s a boss. He bossed up. No negative connotation behind bossed up, but lots of negative connotation behind being a bitch.” I always knew Minaj was right, but never thought about the depth of what she was saying.
I’ve always considered myself a top tier feminist until now. My friend made me realize I was a feminist in my beliefs and dreams but not in other ways. Not in the ways that allow women to be unapologetic about their thoughts, demands, expectations and overall identity.
We still take the blame for things because it’s easier than standing by the truth.
We still stay silent around our boyfriend’s friends because we don’t want to be seen as controlling or emotional.
We still feel like we need to be less intense and strong so that we don’t have our emotions used as a weapon against us.
We still play down our intelligence because if we don’t we’re cocky.
We also can’t play up our sexuality because then it’s demeaning and we’re somehow worth less. We live in a world where women are expected to be quiet, understanding and accepting of all that comes our way, and when we disagree our emotions are thrown in our face and we accept being dismissed. Yet when we are driven, unattached and confident we are deemed cold and bitchy.
I have come to realize that these quiet ways are the ways that allow us to be who we are. Today, we have come so far as to have men happily say they are feminists, and that is important, but what about beyond that? What about the parts of us that make us want to join the men’s team because there isn’t a women’s? What about pursuing a life in scientific research or politics but have felt like we can’t? We need to learn to be unapologetically female. To take being called “over-emotional” as passionate, called “cocky” as intimidatingly brilliant and called “demeaning and worthless” as confident. We are all of these things, but have let men give these words their definitions. As of today, let’s be unapologetic about who we are, how we feel and what we have to say. Let’s know our worth, and get it in every aspect of life. Let’s be absolute bitches. We’ve finally bossed up.
Related Articles:
- Have a Listen To: Feminist Podcasts
- Sex Education: The Show We Didn’t Ask for But Needed the Most
- Debunked: Sex on the First Date
Want more HCW? Check is out on social media!