Picture this: it’s exam season. You’ve been procrastinating all day—what, the new season of The Mindy Project just came out on Netflix—and suddenly it’s 2am, your exam is in seven hours, and you’ve done nothing. Time to pull an…
2:00 AM: Armed with coffee, red bull, and study snacks, you get to work. Hastily, you open PowerPoint and bring up the lecture slides from the classes you’ve skipped. Oh God, you didn’t learn this. Surely this can’t be on the exam? Turns out it is, and your blissful day doing nothing is but a distant memory.
2:30 AM: Thirty minutes in, and your eyelids are starting to droop. Crushing that can of red bull doesn’t make a difference when you end up reading the same sentence over and over. Crushing that can of red bull doesn’t make a difference when you read the same sentence over and over.
3:00 AM: You’ve studied for five minutes. You commend yourself. But if you’re totally honest? You feel a little drunk—probably due to the sleep deprivation. Then you spend an hour researching sleep deprivation, wondering if this was a terrible idea.
4:00 AM: Telling yourself that you are no longer human is pretty standard at about 4am. The study methods you usually swear by—index cards, repetition, note taking—aren’t working. Instead, they’ve been replaced by an hour lurking your ex-boyfriend’s cousin’s sister-in-law. You’re a mess.
4:03 AM: You can hear colours.
5:00 AM: Those Doritos you’ve been munching on steadily for an hour? You can feel them pooling in your ass. Weight gain is a risk of all-nighters. You’re sad, but you keep eating. A vicious cycle. You research Weight Watchers and wonder how you got to this point.
5:30 AM: You’re two PowerPoints in out of six. You look at a bottle of wine longingly. It calls to you.
6:00 AM: You wander into the kitchen, deciding that since it is 6am, you are up with the sun, and therefore productive. You make a coffee and leave it on the counter for an hour, as your memory is pretty much gone by this point.
7:00 AM: Sipping the cold coffee, you read a BuzzFeed article: “What percent Justin Trudeau are you?” You’re only 5%. You cry. You will never be as cool as him.
9:00 AM: Somehow you did it. You are at the bus stop and your exam starts in 30 minutes. Your life is finally coming together. Then the bus passes you.
It’s full.