Recently, I was stuck in the airport for a solid twelve hours. This isn’t the first time, and it won’t be the last. Over the years of people watching I have been able to narrow down the “airport people” into ten categories. Personally I’m the early bird, the comfy Callie, and the momma – despite travelling solo.
1. The Early Bird
This person gets to the airport hours before their boarding. They stand anxiously in line before check in even opens, waiting desperately to confirm their place on the flight. They are prepared, though, they have a good book, and a plethora of music ready to keep them occupied.
2. The Comfy Callie/Curtis
This person is vegged out and ready to go. They can be seen in sweats or pajama bottoms with baggy t-shirts and oversized hoodies. They don’t have to worry about being cold on the flight, or sitting uncomfortably for hours at a time. The comfy Callie’s and Curtis’ of the world are ready to take things as they come to them.
3. The Over Stacker
Also known as the over packer, this person has way too much luggage. We’re talking multiple suitcases and a million carry-ons. They’ll probably go shopping in the airport and have to add another bag while they’re at it. They will definitely have a luggage cart, and things will definitely topple off the top.
4. The Momma
Momma is in charge. She has everyone’s passports and everyone’s boarding passes, all the Advil, and anything else anyone would ever need – ever. It doesn’t matter whether she’s actually travelling with children, she is in charge. She continually checks online for delays and weather changes. You can see her spinning around and doing a quick head count every ten minutes or so.
5. The Babysitter
The abysitter is just like the momma, but she’s actually travelling with kids. She’s probably pushing a stroller and pulling on the hand of a five-year-old. Her head counts are every two minutes, and she’s has a bag full of colouring books and mess free snacks – and wipes for when the kids inevitably make a mess with the mess free snacks.
6. The Diva
This girl walks through the airport in her high heels and skinny jeans, she’s done up to the nines. She looks great but is 300 percent impractical. She holds up security as she has to take off the layers of jewellery and unlace her shoes. People gawk at her style until realizing that she has to sit in a tiny seat four hours in what is the most uncomfortable outfit out there.
7. The Talker
This person never stops talking. You do not want to get stuck in front or behind this person at check in because they will attach themselves to you. They will not let go until you’ve boarded your flight – pray that they don’t ask to switch seats to be near you. At this point, you know all about the problematic relationship they have with their aunt’s cousin’s younger sibling’s boyfriend. Stay away.
8. The Crier
I don’t think this person ever stops crying. Whether they’re heading home or heading on vacation this person’s eyes never seem to be dry. They cry after saying goodbye to their cabbie. And when the check in lady gives them a free upgrade their eyes get misty as they thank them. (Come to think of it, this may be a strategy.)
9. The Minimalist
When you look at this person it’s hard to believe that they’re getting on a flight. It’s hard to believe they even left the house like that. Their passport is stuck into their back pocket alongside their phone. There might be a book in their hand, but that’s about it. They are somehow content to have basically nothing with them. They are the polar opposite of the stacker.
10.The Scammer
This person wants free stuff; they live for it. They will ask for a free upgrade, free headphones, they’ll beg for an extra blanket. On board the flight they will eye your pack of gum until you offer them a piece. If they see your cough drops they will cough repeatedly until you hand them a one. This person does not like to pay for things, they’re perfectly content in mooching off complete strangers.