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“Poetry? Please, your boyfriend is more of a girl than you are.”
“Can I go see Fifty Shades of Grey alone?”
“Maybe I should try to find it online. There’s something creepy about watching S & M with a bunch of couples in public…”
“All the single ladies! Wait…. Beyoncé is married.”
“I’m happy I’m single, this day is stupid.”
“Wearing red today is so cliché… but I can’t not.”
“Like who pays $10 for a card these days?”
“I bet I’ll get a surprise, like a secret admirer. Shit – now I jinxed it, dammit.”
“Oh, it’s Valentine’s Day? Thanks for giving this day an entire aisle (every store for miles).”
“Thanks for the $10 card, Grandma.”
“Being single is so much fun.”
“Your 6 instagram pictures of you and your boyfriend suck.”
“Should I text my ex?”
“Where are all my friends?”
“I’m a strong and independent woman!”
“I hope you and your super-over-affectionate-Hollister-model-looking-boyfriend fall off a cliff.”
“I hope the diamond in your new promise ring is fake.”
“I could check Tinder, like just for a joke.”
“Sorry stranger (Dave, 22) I will have to reject your proposal to meet up in the park later tonight for casual Fifty Shades of Grey type services.”
“You want to do what to my what?!”
“Where did all the good men go?”
“Thanks for the flowers, Mom.”
“I want to order food in… but all restaurants are busy…”
“Am I really cooking myself food on Valentines Day?”
“Is drinking a whole bottle of wine alone on a Saturday allowed?”
“She got a heart necklace and a stuffed animal? Ha!”
“I miss stuffed animals…”
“I could hug a pillow.”
“A necklace would be nice…”
“I need more single friends.”
“Omg! Becky is single!”
“Hey Becky! Want to hang out tonight?”
“Oh, you have a date?”
“That’s SO great, for you.”
“I am just SO happy.”
“Being alone is healthy.”
“What now?”
“…Is it over yet?”