Alright, I’ll admit it, I’m a people watcher. There, I said it. Now I’m aware that people watching is not a big deal, everyone does it, however, I’m of the opinion that most people don’t people watch or categorize their interactions at bars like I do. See, I’m fairly new to the London nightlife even though I’m in my fourth year at Western and my third year living downtown, so I find people watching at bars and clubs fascinating.
I’ve had some really great and some very odd experiences out in London and I’ve summarized some of my favourite moves I’ve seen guys make. Now, I want to preface this by saying it is not my intent to make fun of guys or come off as a judgemental brat. I’m sharing my experiences in a comical manner so that female readers can hopefully laugh and relate to my observations and male readers, if there are any (super cool if there are BTW) can get some insight into what’s going through one girl’s mind when these moves are being made.
Here are the top five questionable moves made by guys.
- The Swarmer: I don’t know who thought it’d be a good idea to one by one surround a lone girl waiting for her friends near the bathroom, but they are sorely mistaken. This is hands down the funniest thing I’ve had happen to me at a bar One or two guys isn’t that bad, but when you’re encircled by five or six guys all introducing themselves to you and talking over each other, it’s completely overwhelming, and not in a good way. I fully get the concept of wingman or wingMEN in this case, but guys should really cap their group approach at three so the girl can still look around the bar for her friends and doesn’t feel like she’s a piece of meat who’s been descended on by vultures.
- The Interpreter: Being an English major I’m well aware that there are multiple meanings and ways of reading things people say, however, I was always under the impression that conversations at a bar were pretty straightforward. I have since been corrected after meeting a guy who decided to read multiple meanings into what I was saying and then accost me for his interpretation. My favourite interpretation of his was when he thought that I meant my friends didn’t get in because they were underage, when all I said was I’m waiting for my friends to come back from the bathroom. Reading into what people are saying can make for fun bar banter, but only if it doesn’t make the girl feel like she’s under attack. What’s that saying? You get more girls with jokes than you do with false accusations. No, that’s not a saying? Well it should be!
- The Helicopter: Every girl must have encountered this guy at one point in her life. You know the guy who hovers about a foot away from you (or less than if he’s feeling extra confident) in hopes of you leaning back into him so he can make his move to dance with you. No part of this move is appealing. Most girls are attracted to confidence and my roommates and I all agree we like being asked to dance. It shows the guy is confident to ask for what he wants and that he respects us enough to give us the option to say no. My roomies and I have gotten into the habit of thanking the guys who ask us to dance, even when we say no because they didn’t just sneak up or force their way in to dance with us.
- The Butabi Brothers: If you’ve seen a Night at the Roxbury you know exactly what I’m talking about, if not I’ll summarize. Will Ferrell and Chris Kattan play two brothers who club hop and tag team to get women by sandwiching them in hilariously awkward dance moves. My roomies and I encountered two Butabi Brothers who were doing what can be described as this ridiculous dance version of Legally Blonde’s famous ‘bend and snap’ with a grind element added in. As hilarious as these guys were, it would have been that much better had they not gone around the entire dance floor doing the same move to every girl who would give them attention. It’s a funny way to get a girl’s attention, but guys should really try to focus on one girl or even one group of girls if they’re looking for more than just attention.
- The Compliment Ninja: I bet we’ve all had run-ins with the guy who watches you from afar, then makes his big move by walking by and dropping a “you’re beautiful” or “you look so hot tonight” and then walking away. The quick appearance and disappearance is what gives this guy ninja status. I’m not going to say I don’t appreciate the random compliments, but it would be so much nicer if he stuck around to talk to me or make something of it. Compliments can be cheesy, but are also a great ice breaker when paired with a smile because it makes the girl a bit more comfortable with talking to a new guy.
Now that I’ve had my fun recounting some of my favourite run-ins with guys in London, I’d like to make a special shout-out to the mostly elusive, but always my favourite guy to meet during a night out, The Conversationalist. This guy is favourite because he’s sober enough to not only approach you without any gimmicky moves, but also carry a conversation with you. I find that a lot of people negate the art of conversation when you’re at a bar. Sure physical attraction is what draws you to the person, but what keeps you there is the way they interact with you. Conversation is key for me because everyone you meet at the bar is essentially a stranger, and there’s no better way to get to know someone than through the good, old get-to-know-you chat.
Being a single girl, I’m always hopeful to run into the Conversationalist every time I go out and if I hit it off with him, I’m keeping my fingers crossed that he’ll be savvy enough to ask for my number and make something happen. But since that doesn’t always happen, I’m going to enjoy my nights out and my people watching because I’m sure there are way more questionable moves and hilarious interactions to be had.