We all want to feel wanted, to feel desired, to feel loved… Knowing that that significant other is out there, thinking of you, is truly an unsubstitutable feeling. Waking up to a good morning text from him can brighten the dreariest of weather and bloom a radiating happiness inside of you. Collapsing onto the couch after arduous hours of work or school, and discovering an awaiting message can make you forget about all the aggravation endured that day. Knowing that you’re loved has the power of washing away frustrations, worries, fears—it can make you laugh, smile, and dance around your bedroom in your underwear. It is a force unlike any other.
But sometimes this immersion in love is drained and is slowly replaced by the sinking feeling that you are being ignored, underappreciated or rejected. Your fears and anger can start to sneak back into your body and sicken that comfortable bliss. And this is okay—at first. It’s okay to feel a little down when he doesn’t reply to texts or phone calls or cancels your plans last minute, especially if there isn’t an explanation to follow. However, there is one crucial consideration to keep in mind when these lapses in affection and attention occur, which is that men are just as complex and deep feeling in their emotions as women, and often need their alone time and space to breathe.
In our society, there is this false conception that women are overly complicated and moody and sensitive, whereas men always speak their mind and never beat around the bush when it comes to what they really mean or want. However, this is a HUGE misconstruction. The ways in which people deal with their varying moods has absolutely no correlation with gender. People’s coping mechanisms (which for many is alone time and isolation) have to do purely with their own personality traits, rather than their sex.
The unreasonable expectation than men are emotionally steady is nothing but another ridiculous social construct, which still continue to prevail in our society. As children are brought up, the terms “be a man” and “don’t cry like a girl,” reinforce this idea that women are overly emotional, whereas men are “strong”… Strength, yet another term that is widely misunderstood. Strength, rather than the ability to suppress emotion and pain, is the acknowledgment of those feelings and then the capacity to learn and grow from those heartaches.
It’s time that this social construct be acknowledged and broken down. Our society needs to realise that men are just as deep feeling as women, and often need their alone time and space. This misconception has put a pressure on men to suppress their emotions and to avoid opening up to others.
As a supportive partner, it is important to remember that when your boyfriend is distant and hasn’t replied to your texts or phone calls, this does NOT mean that it has anything to do with you. This is most likely him taking the time he needs to sort through some thoughts or feelings, alone. It can definitely be a challenge to give him this time (especially if you are someone who loves physical presence and affection), but it is detrimental to allow him this space and to never punish him for it.