You will probably never see this because you blocked me on all social media, but maybe one day it will cross your path. I just want you to know that I’m sorry for how things had to end between us and I still miss you after all this time.
Even though we only knew each other for the last year of high school, you were my best friend, and I’d like to think that I was yours. From the moment we met, I knew that you were someone I would get along with. That night we stayed out until 2 am just talking about anything and everything, the night you finally started to open up to me, is one of my favourite nights. I know that my stubbornness and refusal to let my guard down is ultimately what tore us apart and you will never know how sorry I am for that.
But you knew that I had gotten burned in the past and that opening up to people was not easy for me. And yet, you told me this would never happen. You agreed with me when I said that I would rather have you as my best friend than risk losing you as my boyfriend. Except the second I did something you didn’t like, you completely cut me out of your life without any explanation, other than that you “needed time.” And even though I didn’t want to, I made myself give you the space you asked for.
I just didn’t think that “time” could so easily be replaced with never talking to me again.
I thought you were one of the few good guys left. I thought you were different from all the other immature guys at our school. I thought you were the one person I could finally trust to fit into my life and not break my heart. But I couldn’t have been more wrong.
I know that what I did wasn’t fair to you, but you didn’t even try to forgive me – you just wrote me off like I had never even mattered to you. In fact, you did things to purposely hurt me and it shocked me to realize that the person I had been so sure of was capable of something like that.
I have a new life now, and I assume that you do too, but I wasn’t supposed to have to go through this completely alone. We were supposed to stay in touch and visit each other at our respective schools. We were supposed to be the people, fifty years from now, who could say that they’d had the same best friend since high school. It wasn’t supposed to end up like this.
I don’t know if you care or not, but I am surviving. I haven’t completely stitched back together the heart that you broke, but I’m getting there. Most of the time, when I think I’m finally recovered, you manage to weasel your way back into my head, but it hurts a little less each time. I hope that someday your memories won’t hurt me at all – maybe they’ll even make me smile. But, for now, I still just miss my best friend.
I miss you at the most random and inconvenient of times, so maybe I did love you. I guess it just wasn’t in the way you needed me to. I miss being able to talk to you whenever I want, to call you just to tease you at all hours of the day. I do hope you’re doing well, despite the things I said the last time we talked. Maybe we’ll meet again someday, when you’re able to forgive me; perhaps we could start over again. You have no idea how much I’d like that.