This is an open letter to all the fathers with daughters.
I witnessed something the other day that really hurt my heart.
For those of you who have read my other articles, you know I work as a sales specialist at Victoria’s Secret. Being “Best at Bras,” all women—young and old—can expect to have the full experience of the Bra Journey; they can also expect it to take time.
Although bras are literally my life, I understand that there are many women out there who do not understand their importance or are embarrassed to talk about them completely. It’s especially difficult for younger girls, who are not fully developed and who do not have much experience, to come into a bra store and ask for help.
The other day I had a 14-year-old girl come into the fitting room with a sports bra. I knew right away that she was quite shy, but she managed to open up to me and talk about the fit issues she was experiencing. So, I did what any bra specialist would do—I decided to give her a proper measurement.
Once we determined her size, I gave her a few styles to try on to see what suited her best. She asked me to see each style, and I was devastated to learn that she didn’t feel good about herself in anything. She proceeded to compare herself to one of her friends, whom she claimed to have “bigger” and “perkier” breasts, while hers just “hung there.” I spent quite some time trying to convince her otherwise; the bra fit her really well, and it made her look fantastic because we found her perfect fit. After some time, she believed me—at least enough to want to buy the bra.
The girl had been in the fitting room for probably 30-45 minutes, which is the average time when a woman has a full fitting. She left the fitting room with the bra she wanted, and when I made my way over to her to finish the experience by writing out her Fit Card, she was approaching her dad, who had been waiting for her.
I have never witnessed something so upsetting. When the girl reached her father, he cussed at her, called her disrespectful, and snapped that he “didn’t even want to pay for the bra anymore.” Her face immediately turned red—whether it was with embarrassment, or from trying to hold back tears, I couldn’t tell. I wanted so badly to reach out to her and tell her how well she did that day, but all I could do was stand there and watch her father verbally abuse her.
When I finished my shift that night, I barely made it out the doors before I was crying.
Now, I know this is an extreme case, and I know not all fathers would react this way. Perhaps this man was having a really bad day and he didn’t know how to handle himself. But as a daughter and a young woman who has witnessed a lot, I address all fathers with this message:
Please be patient towards your daughter(s). Being a female is so hard, especially in the teenage years. Our bodies are constantly changing, we are always comparing ourselves to others, and we all struggle with low self-esteem. It makes all the difference to have a parent’s support and love when we go through our awkward stages.
I understand that you, as a man, may not understand things like menstrual cycles, make-up, or the process of finding the perfect bra—but let me tell you this: it is a lot of f*cking work. It all is. Sometimes just existing is hard enough. So when your daughter is moody and lashes out while on her period, or she takes an hour in the fitting room trying on bras, try to understand and not blame her.
And even when your daughter does do something that is really upsetting or disrespectful, do not respond with the same behaviour. Be kind. Be loving. Show her that you care, that you will be patient, and that you will try to understand her because at the end of the day, she already has enough to struggle with.
I’m not asking you to be the perfect father because let’s be honest, daughters are difficult to understand. But I am asking you to be a good father and respect your daughter’s experiences as a female. It will be hard, but I promise that you will be making life a little easier for her—which is part of your job as a father.