*Written by my mother, Diane Allingham-Hawkins*
My daughter, Alex, and I have always been very close. As an only child, it was natural for her to be very close to both her father, Jeff, and I since she had no siblings to (a) hang out with and (b) compete with for our attention. When she was growing up, we did a lot of things together both as a family and as just the two of us. We started getting our nails done together before she was 10 and had our first overnight spa trip together when she was 12. We still love to hit a spa together whenever we can!
Our relationship grew even closer when Alex was 14 and Jeff died of cancer. Suddenly, not only were we both grieving a devastating loss but we had to figure out how to manage on our own without Jeff. I will admit that Alex had to grow up way faster than her friends did during that time. However, the two of us stuck together and figured things out – whether it be how to do up her ski boots (something Jeff had always done) or how to juggle home commitments and full time school (for her) and work (for me). The experience changed us both forever but also solidified our strong relationship.
Major events in Alex’s life – learning to drive, applying to university, graduating high school, starting at Western (where both Jeff and I went!) – are bittersweet because, although I am so very proud of her accomplishments and the woman she has become, there is always someone missing. Perhaps the saddest part of Jeff’s death to me is that he hasn’t had the privilege of seeing his beloved daughter grow up as I have.
Our relationship is not perfect and we do have our challenges. Occasionally, I have to – in the words of Lorelai Gilmore – “play the Mom card.” The most memorable recent time was in the summer after her first year at Western. Alex had literally been sick in bed for a month with mono but she thought that it was perfectly reasonable to plan to go to two Ed Sheeran concerts in two different cities, two nights in a row! Needless to say, that didn’t happen!
I think the greatest challenge we have faced happened about a year ago when my husband (I am remarried) and I decided to take a major step: moving to the United States. I had been offered a wonderful new job and we both felt that this would be a great way to cap my career. However, it would also mean selling the house that Alex grew up in and moving several hundred kilometres away. Alex was, understandably, not happy about the move but she did recognize what a great career opportunity this was for me and she supported me despite her own reservations. While it has been hard at times, we have made it work with constant texting and frequent phone calls (unlimited text and long distance plans are our friends!), FaceTime, and regular visits. It was wonderful having her home for almost two weeks over the winter break and the house feels empty without her now that she has gone back.
Alex is many things to me: my daughter, the Rory to my Lorelai, my greatest pride and joy, but mostly she is, simply and honestly, my best friend.