You know the rules: men love the chase so do not text first and do not even think about calling, that would be too clingy.
Lately, I have found myself caving in to hours of reality dating shows, specifically MTV’s “Are You the One.” Strangely, I could relate to the women on the show, most of them my age, who are passed on from man to man because none of them are able to commit to just one woman.
Commitment is a real issue for millennials today. Half of us want to fight for love and the other half run for the hills the moment the opportunity of love arises. Then, there is the weird limbo where you do not know which to choose. So, you settle for some kind of relationship, if you can even call it that, where you share parts of yourselves, you regularly text, you sleep in each other’s beds but the mention of the word “dating” is not allowed.
Neither one of you knows what is happening. You like each other’s company. You get along, you talk about your hopes and dreams, your ticks and fears, but you are not allowed to get attached.
Let us walk through a typical modern relationship.
After countless left swipes on Tinder, fifty failed first dates, you finally meet someone you like. You go on date after date, and you see a lot of potential. Be careful though, you cannot just assume that because you are going on dates, you are “dating.”
Common questions that go through your head a million times include: Is he spending time with other girls? Does he like them better?
So, you start dating another guy to not get too attached to the guy you are actually dating.
Meanwhile, you are still trying to lockdown the first guy. You want to play hard to get but not too hard as to not seem uninterested. You spend hours crafting every single text message with your girlfriends. You play up your social media so he can see how much fun you are having without him.
Finally, on date number 25, after meeting his friends, his family, his dog and his goldfish, he finally introduces you as his girlfriend.
Do not get too comfortable though, as the girlfriend you still have to work to keep him interested in you. You want be affectionate but not too aggressive. You want to give him freedom but you do not want to be too passive. You want to get attention but you do not want be too pushy.
Yes, commitment is scary. However, what happened to getting picked up at 7pm by a man who will open the car door for you, walk you to your front step and give you a kiss goodnight without inviting himself in for more?
Do not get me wrong, I do not think women need men to do things for them and know they are very capable of being on their own. I see chivalry as a form of respect and a sign of kindness from a person I could potentially share myself with. In fact, I often insist on paying for dinner or holding the door.
The term “chivalry” dates to the medieval institution of knighthood that developed between 1170 and 1220. Its meaning has changed over time, now more generally signifying moral and social behavior.
Today, chivalry is at the point of extinction. The concept of fearing to seem too interested too fast has rewritten the rules of the dating game.
The next time you are interested in someone tell them, make them feel special, let yourself be vulnerable to them. This will speed up the process and create a genuine connection that you can trust in. Give it a try.
Let’s bring chivalry back.