We made The Plan in the beginning of the summer.
Both of us had gotten through our first relationships and there was a whole new territory we were exposed to — a world of sex and and desire and physical intimacy. I don’t remember how it came up; it might have been during our conversation about friends with benefits, or it might have been after we shared our sexual experiences with our exes. Either way, we began half-jokingly making a plan for us to have sex, from planning out where and when it would happen, to what we would be doing and who would buy the condoms. We even carefully numbered each step, with detailed half-steps in between for a more complete guide. It was absolutely hysterical and kind of amazing, with how serious The Plan was getting.
The whole idea was laughable to me, though —I haven’t even had sex with my ex-boyfriend, what made us think I’d have sex with my best friend? So it remained an inside joke between the two of us, and even though I’d never truly considered it, the idea was always within reach in the back of my mind.
Flash forward to the beginning of the school year — we’re talking and joking around, when one day, he asks if I’d stop by his place for a night during Thanksgiving break before continuing on home. I immediately laugh and then joke, “Are we going through with The Plan then?” He laughs too but his tone becomes serious, and he asks if I’m actually okay with it, if we both happen to be “in the mood” that night.
I pause.
This is the first time I’m actually considering it—losing my virginity to him—and I feel… surprisingly okay with it. There might’ve been a degree of societal pressure in my willingness to go through with The Plan, since most people my age have been having sex for a long time, but more than that, I’ve started to become curious. I wondered if sex really felt as amazing as everyone says it does and if I’d like it as much as everyone else. Losing my virginity to my best friend didn’t seem like such a bad choice either; there were so many horror stories about losing it to a stranger, to someone who didn’t care for you at all, who made you feel used and disposable. We already knew each other inside out and legitimately cared for each other; this seemed like a reasonable and accessible next step.
And so after thinking on it for a while, I tell him yes—I’m actually okay with losing my virginity to him.
FOr the next few weeks, we start hammering out the finer details of The Plan, but honestly, I was still only half-serious about going through with it. It was ludicrous that someone as naive and conservative as me would do something as taboo as this, and I was honestly doubtful that he would be willing to go through with it when the time came. I was still under the impression that something in The Plan would go wrong, or we just wouldn’t end up “in the mood” to successfully carry it out. And we both cared enough about each other to know that if one of us weren’t willing to go through with it, the other person would respect that and stop.
Before I knew it, I was on the way to his place and he’d gotten the alcohol and condoms ready. Only then did I realize that this might actually happen, that I might actually lose my virginity to my best friend in a few hours. I was still okay with it; the whole thing just seemed distant, like I was watching a movie or it was happening to someone else.
And then it happened.
It was nice, and warm, and comfortable. There were no fireworks or sparks or anything, but it was good. I felt cared for and safe and happy, and at the end, we cuddled and did what we usually do—watch YouTube videos together.
Even now, my best friend and I are still the same—we’re still as comfortable and close with each other as before. The sex didn’t really affect our relationship at all; admittedly, we now have some new intel to threaten each other with during arguments, but nothing has really changed. It’s like the sex was just another thing we did together; something as casual as eating or watching a movie together, something we casually mention in passing, like a “remember when…” moment.
We both don’t regret it at all, though I’d personally say that we won’t be having sex again for a while, if ever.
But as it is, I’m happy to have given my first time to my best friend. If I had the chance to turn back time and choose again, I’d still be happy to go through with The Plan.