I have a raging case of Resting Bitchface and it’s a problem.
Like many unsuspecting victims, simply realizing I have it is of no help at all. My natural face is a perpetual look of brazen anger or boredom, and there’s nothing I can do about it.
The first time it came to my attention was in Grade 12. One of my guy friends informed me that his younger sister, who went to our school, was afraid of me. WHY, I thought. It made no sense to me and I didn’t like it at all. I saw this girl often, both at school and outside of it, and always thought I was friendly and chatty with her and everyone else. What did I do wrong? “You always look mad,” he said. “Her and her friends avoid you because they think you’re a bitch.”
This is the essence of life for those of us afflicted with the chronic condition. Think you look normal? Think again.
This girl’s friends were people I didn’t know and had never spoken to, let alone been mean or rude to. This isn’t to say I was a saint in high school, because who is? Okay, I’m sure some people are. In my experience though, pretty much everyone is terrible in high school. It’s a beautiful thing. Except this wasn’t even about anything I did. This was about my face, dammit. This was personal.
I never thought I gave off such a bad impression until then. I always tried to mind my own business, but apparently that’s one of the key components in making you look cold and irritated wherever you go.
It’s pretty upsetting to hear that a girl I considered a friend thought I was scary, and even worse, that she wasn’t the only one.
My friend Kellie recently told me about a similar experience she had. “I once had a younger girl come up to me at a party after I graduated and she was like, ‘I just want to say you’re actually so pretty and nice.’ And I was like what? She’s like, ‘I always just assumed you were a bitch, but you’re totally not.”
Girls with Resting Bitchface are rarely mean people. That’s just the label we get when we don’t have smiles plastered on our faces the majority of the time. It also doesn’t mean we’re not happy. We’re probably just thinking about a million different things, like how we’re going to procrastinate on Netflix and what to eat when we do.
“I’m pretty sure I gave off the bitch look when I was student council president because I was always in a rush or busy walking through the halls,” Kellie adds. “When I walk on campus it’s the same. I think I have resting bitch walk face.”
Resting Bitchface never goes away. Good luck going anywhere there’s people you don’t know, because you’ll know what everyone’s thinking. If you can’t feel your Bitchface, don’t fret, you won’t wait long before someone points it out for you.
My Resting Bitchface was once again confirmed in my first year of university. Having a single room in residence, I never wanted to be considered anti-social. I tried to make friends with everyone, or so I thought. Having anxiety and being in a new school with a bunch of strangers didn’t make it any easier, but I was determined to do it anyways.
I quickly became friends with a group of five other girls from my floor who I lived with during my second year. One day we all started talking about the notorious Resting Bitchface, and I was not-so-pleasantly surprised by what everyone thought of my first impression.
“We always assumed you’d would want nothing to do with us. You just gave off that vibe from the start because you looked mad or bored all the time. We were all really surprised when you didn’t turn out to be a bitch at all.”
Since then, I’ve lost count of the times I’ve been told I look annoyed or angry by my actual friends or random people. I was recently out for dinner with a friend and a group I’d just met. As I was trying to read a sign on the restaurant wall, I zoned out of the conversation for a few seconds until one of the new guys loudly blurted out, “Wow, sorry we’re boring you.”
Oh God. Not again.
“You don’t look very happy to be here. What’s wrong?”
It was humiliating since I was actually having a great time. I was so stunned to be called out that the only response I could give was an awkward “I’m fine… That’s just the way I look.”
I tried to recover, but I became self-conscious and convinced that my impression on these people was ruined. I felt like they all hated me. I later found out he said that because he “wanted an excuse to talk to me” and “didn’t know what else to say.” A lesson for all boys: you won’t impress a girl by calling out her Bitchface. Ever.
I can only imagine what people who don’t know me think I’m like because of my perpetual angry-face, or the times I’ve mistakenly thought the same about someone else. Either way, if you judge someone by their Resting Bitchface, you’re probably wrong. Be nice to the girls who look like bitches, we’re just like you.
Here’s how you know if you have Resting Bitchface:
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People ask you if you’re okay to the point you start to wonder if you are.
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You don’t realize how you actually look until you see yourself in a mirror.
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People have been telling you to smile more for as long as you can remember.
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“You look tired” is another popular phrase we love to hear.
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You’re prepared to answer questions about your general well-being on a daily basis.
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It’s hard to make new friends because everyone assumes you’re a bitch when you first meet.
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Most of the friends you have now thought the same.
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You know you’ve found true friendship when someone can tell if you’re ACTUALLY mad, and doesn’t just assume like everyone else.
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You have pretty much one look for every emotion.
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You also look the same in every picture.
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Flirting is a joke.
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When you make a joke, people can’t always tell it’s a joke.
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Your Bitchface is always showing even when you don’t mean it.
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When you go out, you feel like you have to prove you’re having fun or else everyone thinks you’re bored.
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You wish people would just stop worrying and let you and your Bitchface live in peace.