In my 12th grade creative writing class my favourite teacher repeated the same words so many times they became a kind of comical mantra. The words riddled through all creative writing textbooks and the bane to every wannabe writer’s existence: “show, don’t tell.” They resurfaced in my intro to creative writing during freshman year. I smiled nostalgically, closed the textbook and began writing.
It took me 3 years to realize the enormity of these words beyond the walls of my education. I think I was in a fight with my boyfriend when it dawned on me: my 12th grade creative writing class didn’t just teach me to be an active writer, but an active lover, an active friend, an active daughter. These words that I looked back on like a distant memory had become fundamental to my definition of successful relationships.
It’s like that E. E. Cummings quote: “Good writing doesn’t tell you it’s raining… it lets you feel what it’s like to be rained upon.” It’s always been easy for me to tell people that I love them but repeat the words enough and they can begin to lose their meaning. I didn’t just want people to know that I love them; I wanted them to feel what it’s like to be loved.
So I stopped just saying “I love you” to my dad. Instead, I ask him about the projects he’s working on because I love the excitement in his voice when he explains them to me, even if I don’t understand. I make the french toast so he can focus on the bacon. I make sure to hug him at least once a day. I stand front row with him at all the concerts. I always let him pick the movies.
I let my best friend vent on the phone with me for hours on end. I have multiple shirts with tear stains because I’m the perfect height for hugging. I’ll go out to the bar because I promised her I would, even if I just feel like binging on Netflix all night. I make a little extra food when I cook because I know she’ll want some.
I bought my boyfriend Kanye tickets even though I can’t stand him. I drop everything and drive to his house the second he says he needs me. I let him explain politics to me even though I don’t think I’ll ever understand. I listen to the music he sends me and pretend to like it.
I am not a perfect daughter, perfect girlfriend, perfect friend. I’m not even a perfect writer. I have not mastered the art of “show, don’t tell” but I’m trying and I think that’s the whole point. In writing, the difference between active and passive is a little more concrete. In life, the whole difference is in the trying. Try to do things for other people, and just for other people, because you love them. I have no interest in politics, I’m not going to eat the extra food myself, I really don’t understand acoustical engineering, but I love the people that do. So I indulge them. I owe a lot more to my high school English teacher than I gave her credit for.