A cheetah print scrunchie adorned my hair, completing my otherwise all-black outfit: a dress layered over a sheer long sleeve top. And of course I had my slip-on vans and backpack for that campus-ready look. To finish it all off, a reusable tumbler of coffee rested in one hand, and my student card in the other.
I express myself through design and colours, my moods showing through in my outfits. I’m stressed on days I wear sweatpants with a cropped tee. On long, drawn out days I wear trousers with patterns that peak out from under my lab coat. When I’m feeling my most social, productive self I gravitate towards a skirt and sweater combination. This day was extra special: I don’t usually wear dresses or all black. I was trying out a new style.
That particular day, I was waiting for the red hand signal to morph into the white pedestrian symbol. I was on my way to the bus stop, heading back home. Lost in my own world, all I could think about were the tasks I had to get done: email my professor, finish my essay, review for an upcoming exam, fold my clean laundry and fulfill some of my social obligations. As I was mentally checking off these bullets, I heard a voice from behind me ask, “Why are you dressed like that?”.
Startled, I turned around and responded with a “What?” A tall man took a step forward and took this as an opportunity to continue: “She who has pleasure on Earth will burn in Hell for all eternity.”
What followed was a long, condescending, almost frightening speech about my inevitable damnation. The only thing I could muster up was a meek “Even if I’m going to hell, what difference does it make to you?” and a sudden sprint across the road when the signal turned.
Usually I don’t let things bother me, but that night I called my mom to vent. She always has an ear to lend, and comforts with her experienced tone of voice.
Now you might be thinking my dress was probably a little too short, or the all-black thing made me look like a witch. What was I expecting going out like that? While that inherently should not matter, I’ve had friends called out for wearing full length mom jeans instead of a long skirt. If they were wearing a trendy maxi skirt, the comment would be that women should not be pursuing a career but should be at home in the kitchen. The truth is, you can’t escape this criticism unless you’re wearing a dress from the Middle Ages, kneading dough and preparing to get married to a suitor of your father’s choosing… all at age 16!
It’s not surprising, but unfortunate, to know that there are many individuals on campus who’ve been violated or harassed in similar ways. Some, like me, have been lectured on how we dress or act. Others get brought into long arguments in front of graphic posters about the pro-life/pro-choice debate. Even more angering, there are those who are dealing with the aftermath of assaults and abuse.
Apart from the obvious targeted violations, many aspects of various cultures place a huge emphasis on women being pure, subservient and feminine; any departure from that is the basis for the fall of a respectable civilization. Even in Canada, countless bloggers encourage women to forgo careers and ambitions, education systems lack a sufficient sexual education curriculum, and habits of “slut” shaming all contribute to the obstacles women face on a daily basis. And it’s not all large-scale and “systematic”: these beliefs trickle down. Boyfriends won’t “let” their girlfriends go out in a cute outfit, and onlookers claim “she was asking for it” when a woman gets harassed.
A recent example of this phenomenon is the case of popular Youtuber Haley Pham. Known for her bright disposition and relatable content, she fell under criticism for a vlog she had posted. Apart from her negative remarks about her trip to Santorini, she also mentions the fact that she had contracted a urinary tract infection. This is a common condition which can be brought on from nearly anything, from wearing underwear with irritating fabric to taking antibiotics to overcome the flu. In the video, she says that out of all people, she should not be one to get a UTI as she is a devoted Chrisitan who is waiting until marriage. In her statement, she is implying that others who are not as “pure” should be dealing with it. To her, an infection can only be a sort of “punishment” from God to her vaginal area.
Whether it be intentional or unknowing, Pham (among many others) is perpetuating a “holier than thou” mentality that shames others for their personal lifestyle choices. I’m not one for “cancel culture”, and believe that the best case scenario is to educate and bring a wider perspective to others.
I’m not asking for much. You don’t have to wear daisy dukes if you don’t want to, but don’t shame someone else for doing so. Everyone should let people live and love how they want to, as long as they aren’t causing you or others harm. Take the time to educate yourself and overcome the misconceptions you have. Have open discussions with your friends and family, and find where the root of certain problematic ideas come from. Your arguments shouldn’t come from a place of anger and hostility, but compassion and understanding. Only then can we make strides to a more equitable society.
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