Two drinks in and I was already dizzy.
It was my 21st birthday, and the guy I was seeing wasn’t there. Our relationship was in that awkward phase, exclusive but not together, together but title-less, you know what I mean.
He was studying. He was stuck in Weldon, as I sat around a table with my closest friends. He should have been there, but he also didn’t quite belong at that table quite yet. I guess what I mean to say is that I wanted him there, but he wasn’t, and for good reasons.
It might have been the martinis or the fact that I’m a phone person, but I was sitting there at dinner on my birthday and begging him to call me from the library, even if that meant calling from the bathroom.
He did. He was annoyed, and mean, and worse, I could barely even hear him. I could tell he was mad, so after a few minutes I gave up, and slammed my phone down on the table. I guess it was clear something was wrong, but I didn’t want to talk about it.
It was my birthday, I had taken a phone call in front of everyone, and I obviously wasn’t okay, but thankfully – my friends dropped it.
He texted me to apologize but it wasn’t enough. The phone call was already burned in my brain. I was already hurt. I was still drunk, and now I felt guilty to the point where I couldn’t even feel mad… and I should’ve been mad.
Studying or not, it was my f*cking birthday. He should’ve just called. I shouldn’t have even had to ask, let alone beg. He should’ve just wanted to. He should have done it because he knew it would make me happy. He should’ve been happy that I wanted to talk to him.
(Especially when already in the presence of my closest friends)
Except he didn’t, and he wasn’t.
The fact was birthday or not, I couldn’t call him. I couldn’t call him drunk and have him be tolerant, have him laugh, or roll his eyes. I couldn’t call him and feel like even if I was annoying the shit out of him he didn’t really mind, not really. Not at all.
And if I couldn’t call him, if I couldn’t drunk dial and get all those things from the other end of the phone – I shouldn’t have ever even been with him.