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I don’t remember the last time I spent an entire day without looking in a mirror. I always start my morning standing in front of the bathroom mirror as I brush my teeth, wash my face, and get ready for the day. Even though I use mirrors every single day, my relationship with them is complicated. Somedays, I love what I see in the mirror (you can call me narcissistic). Other times, I find myself cringing a little when I catch my own reflection staring back at me. It’s funny how mirrors can reflect more than our physical appearances; they reflect our own feelings back at us. What we think when we stand in front of a mirror can reveal a lot about how comfortable we are in our skin. How we feel about ourselves can change a lot as our body image fluctuates day by day, perhaps even by hour.
Throughout the years, I’ve become quite the expert at criticizing my appearance in the mirror. And I’m not proud of it. With just a quick glimpse, my eyes can automatically pick out the tiniest “imperfection” on my face, from the ghastly pimple on my forehead to the gigantic under-eye circles that I just can’t conceal. The longer I stare at my blemishes, the uglier they get. Even so, I’m just not able to take my eyes off them.
Recently, as an experiment, I started spending less time in front of the mirror. I wanted to find out if I’d perceive my body more positively simply by looking away. As someone who likes to think of herself as being body positive, I used to get easily upset at myself for generating negative thoughts about how I look. There seems to be a constant fight between two voices inside of me: one of them reassures me I’m beautiful just the way I am and I should never let anyone tell me otherwise, but the other voice seeks sadistic pleasure from counting the ways that I don’t measure up to society’s beauty ideals. I grew more and more tired of these two voices vying against each other. That was when I realized that I have the power to change my habits and make a conscious effort to spend less time checking my looks.
At the start of my experiment, I struggled a lot. I kept seeing reflective surfaces everywhere I went—from glass walls outside of office buildings to shop windows down the street. Being in a society that is obsessed with mirror-like objects, I needed to constantly remind myself to look away from them and focus on whatever I was doing.
After a while, I gradually found it less tempting to check myself out when given the chance. During the rare moments when I’m looking in a mirror, it has become much easier for me to turn my head away from it when I want to. What started out as a tiny experiment has allowed me to be more present in what I’m doing. I feel relieved and liberated when I don’t have to constantly worry about how I look.
The truth is, I still struggle to quell the voice of my inner critic whenever I catch myself in the mirror. Luckily, I now know that the best way to keep my insecurities from getting to me is to simply direct my focus elsewhere. That’s not to say that I avoid the mirror because I’m scared of confronting my insecurities. I’m able to do this precisely because I now better understand my own insecurities and am refusing to give them power over me.
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