With the dreaded and obligatory Valentine’s Day coming up, the stinging burn of singleness is hard to avoid. I won’t pretend I didn’t feel it, no matter how hard I tried to ignore it and say it was just another day popularized by capitalism for the sake of mass spending. Between university classes being online and smaller gatherings, there are fewer opportunities to meet someone. This can understandably be hard. So, I’ve compiled ways to show your love for your roommates on this day.
Here is a list of things you definitely should do.**
- Make out with your partner in front of them to assert dominance. This way your roommates can see who’s living the better life and you can set an example of the love life they could have one day.
- Point and laugh at them. It’ll let them know how appreciated they are.
- Promote and encourage the use of substances! Now whether it’s caffeine, a night at the bar, or something stronger is up to them…
- Talk to them the whole day about how much you love your partner. Then they’ll see what a real relationship looks like.
- Remind them that their ex is a little b*tch. The mix of good and horrible memories will mingle enough to distract them from what day it is.
- Gift them a card that says “haha you’re single.” This is an advanced version of my second suggestion, but try this at your own risk.
- Tone down the nicknames for your partner from “Apple Crisp Honey Oats” to “Hunny Buns.” You’ll show your roommate that you’re conscious of their feelings.
- Be loud…*no comment*
- Take them to the pet store to meet the love of their life. A companion that will never leave them…a Betta fish. Till death do them part.
Okay, okay, in all seriousness I do have some actual advice. Hopefully more useful, though I’m not saying you shouldn’t try out the suggestions up top…
- Try making a hate playlist together. Nothing says roommate bonding more than complaining, gossiping, and music. Therefore, a playlist with all the hateful breakup songs is a perfect route to go.
- For the AFAB! Grab them a vibrator. It’s funny and can be affordable. If you’re close enough it won’t be awkward, and they’ll probably appreciate it.
- Have a housemate date! Get some wine, food, set up a movie and you’ve got yourself a date. This is great for bonding and is even better when paired with other friends.
- Take them to the pet store. In all seriousness this time, this could be a good way to make them feel better and distract them with all the cute animals to see. Maybe they could end up with a companion!
- In optimistic hopes that Ontario opens back up again, take your roommate axe throwing or plate smashing! It’s a place you can get your feelings out, breaking stuff without consequences has never felt so good.
With so many options for you to try out, choose at your own risk! From making out with your partner in front of your roommate to taking them out on a date. These tips are obviously great advice and you should definitely take this seriously.
*I’m not liable for potential side effects, including thrown plates, ended friendships, eviction, and in some rare cases even death.