Grief can be hard to manage any day of the year. The pain of missing your loved one never truly goes away and can rear its ugly head at any time. However, I’ve found that my grief gets a little harder to manage around major holidays like birthdays, Father’s Day, and Christmas. Because my Dad died on December 22nd, the whole month of December generally sucks and it gets hard to relax and enjoy myself when I’m constantly reminded of what I’m missing. Here are seven tips for dealing with grief during the holidays.
Do something in memory of your loved one
In my mind, there’s no better way to remember your loved one than doing something in their memory. This can be literally anything — going to the cemetery to visit them, having an ornament on the tree, watching one of their favourite movies, or even eating one of their favourite foods. Often when people die, others seem to “forget” about them because they are no longer with us. Doing something in your loved one’s memory will show them (and you) that just because they’re gone it doesn’t mean that you’ve forgotten about them.
Continue to do family traditions
If your family is anything like mine, you probably have certain traditions that you do every year around the winter holidays. It can feel weird to continue to do these traditions after your loved one dies, but don’t feel like because they’re gone you can no longer do your holiday traditions.
But don’t be afraid to retire some as well
This is important. Some traditions just don’t work or are too painful with your loved one gone and have to be let go. Every year my Dad and I would make a holiday craft that we then stuck gift cards to and gave to the rest of our family. When he died, our craft for that year wasn’t quite done and I was left to finish it myself. It was hard, but I felt like I needed to do it because I believe that’s what my Dad would have wanted. When the following Christmas rolled around, I thought about continuing to do the craft, but couldn’t fathom doing it without him. When a loved one dies you change and enter a new period of life. Don’t force yourself to continue doing traditions you find painful or that you do not enjoy without your loved one.
Practice self-care
Grief can take a lot out of you, physically, mentally and emotionally. Take some time for yourself this holiday season and re-charge, whether that’s reading a book, spending time with friends, or cuddling a pet.
Acknowledge your grief
When you’re grieving, it can be hard to go out and socialize when all you want to do is cry and do nothing because you’re missing your loved one. This is perfectly okay at any stage of the grief journey, whether it’s been five months or five years since they died. It’s been nearly six years from my father’s death and I still have days where I want to lay in bed and do nothing but think about how unfair it is that he’s dead. Sometimes when you’re grieving it’s necessary to just let your emotions out rather than keeping them bottled in. Take the time to acknowledge your grief.
Don’t feel obligated to accept every invitation
December is often a time of holiday parties galore and you might feel pressured to accept every invitation. But, it’s important to remember that an invitation is not an obligation. If you’re having a hard grief day and don’t feel up to it, or you simply just don’t want to go, then don’t go. Don’t force yourself to go out and be social when you don’t want to, because it’ll only make you feel worse in the end.
But don’t feel guilty about enjoying yourself either
Just because your loved one is gone doesn’t mean that you can’t enjoy yourself. In fact, that’s probably exactly what they would want you to do! Having fun doesn’t mean that you’ve forgotten about your loved one, it just means that you are accepting that they are gone and moving on with your life.