Christmas Rituals That Are Actually Really Weird

If there’s one thing a student knows, it’s not to take everything in your immediate environment for granted. Well, I thought I’d take it a bit further, and use my “critical toolbox” to assess our favourite consumer capitalist holiday—Christmas! Here are a few rituals that the consumer masses engage in, and I have to wonder why.


Having a living tree inside your house

Honestly, this just makes a mess? Why do we take a tree from outside and put it inside? And decorate it? We really do engage in some backwards cruelty.


Suddenly everything must be illuminated

A waste of our precious energy! We don’t need more light in the darkness that is our reality.


Listening to Mariah Carey on repeat — she’s not that good ok

How did this woman make her career off of one day a year? How did we let her?


Giving pets Christmas presents

These are animals and have no use for the stocking-filler crap the large corporations have sold you. Shame.


Watching the same movies you’ve watched every single year like it’s the first time

You already know that Buddy’s going to New York. Looks like you all are cotton-headed ninnymuggins.


Being nice to your family (???)

You only talk to these people once a year. Why be nice?


Getting up early on December 25

Everyone knows students are not supposed to wake up before 11am?


Getting a ton of presents, and the next day immediately going shopping

Why do you need more? You are all sheep!