We’re not dating. Actually, we’re far from that right now. But maybe we could be if you only sent clear signals.
You seem to think, “girls are so complicated” and that “we’re never clear about what we’re thinking,” but you don’t realize you’re just as hard to read. Okay, I’ll admit that sometimes saying “it’s fine” and “I’m okay” actually means something completely different. But here’s something to keep in mind: lots of girls like talking about their feelings and about what we’re looking for, so stop trying to read between the lines.
But you? I am constantly fighting with myself about what you actually mean because you can’t seem to figure it out for yourself.
I’m a young woman and my love life is full of mistakes. Sometimes I’m trying to fall asleep and suddenly I think “I shouldn’t have kissed that boy” or sometimes I’ll be in the shower, washing the shampoo out of my hair and wonder “why did I think he was a nice guy?” The bottom line: I struggle trying to find a guy who isn’t looking at me as the next number to add to his “kill count.” But it doesn’t stop me from trying.
Because at the end of the day, my love life is equally full of hope. I hope that you’re different. I hope that you aren’t just looking at me with lust. I hope that you’ll give this a chance.
I’m not asking you to text me every day. I’m not asking you to be my boyfriend. All I ask is that you stop sending me mixed signals.
Maybe I’m just that girl you kissed at the bar and that’s okay. Really. But I need to know and you can help me.
If I’m just that girl, don’t hang out with me and then ignore my texts. By hanging out with me, you’re establishing that we’re not just a hookup, so hope comes knocking. By ignoring my texts, hope makes an unexpected exit. You could’ve gone out with your friends, but you didn’t. You came to talk. You could’ve kissed me when we hung out, but you didn’t. You made it about getting to know each other. Can you blame me for thinking that you might be into me?
But you ignore my texts. You’re only interested when it’s you messaging me, not the other way around. That’s not how it works because I’ll pretend the good texts happen all the time; that it wasn’t a one-time thing.
And that’s funny thing: I know I should look at the whole picture. I know I should listen to my friends’ advice and stop thinking about you, but it’s much harder than it seems. Because at the end of the day, I will always give you the benefit of the doubt.
In a sense, a booty call is almost better than your mixed signals. At least I know what that boy wants and I’m not left trying to fill in the blanks.
When you think about it, it’s a little sad that I have to write this letter. This generation, especially once we go to university, is so saturated in a hookup culture that I’m taken aback when a boy might actually want to get to know me. And that’s sad. It’s sad that I assume “Want to hang out and watch a movie?” means he wants something more than that. I’ve become so accustomed to this prevalent culture that I forget to consider a guy might see more as more than “that girl I kissed at the bar.”
So, to the boy sending too many mixed signals, remember this:
I’ve seen the good guys and I’ve seen the bad guys. I know what signs to look for when they talk to me to see if they’re actually interested. But you? You’re that gray area in between as I try to figure out what category you’re in.
So help me out — send clear signals. I don’t want you to be stuck in that gray area and personally, I don’t want to be stuck there waiting for you to make up your mind either.