I’ve always been an independent person. Growing up as an only child, I learned to do things by myself because I didn’t have any siblings to show me how. My dad’s death when I was 14 added a new dimension of independence—suddenly my mom and I were having to figure out how to do the tasks he had always done and it was daunting. But, we made it work, and soon I was doing many things I hadn’t done before: taking the city bus home from school, mowing the grass, even learning to drive. When I went away to university, it became even more important to be independent. Now I was two hours away from home, with no one to cook for me, or remind me to do my homework, or make sure that I had clean clothes to wear. Those first few months were rough, but I learned from my mistakes and eventually it got more bearable. In fact, being on my own reinforced my identity as an independent, capable woman.
It never occurred to me that being independent could be perceived as a bad thing or as a threat. But recently, when a female acquaintance offered to help me with something. I politely declined, confident that I could complete the task myself. While I appreciated her offer of help, I didn’t feel I needed help—and as it turned out, I didn’t. Later, I heard that she thought my polite refusal of her help was a slight, and she was talking about how I was a b*tch because of that.
I was shocked. Since when was being able to do things for myself considered a bad thing? Historically, women may have been seen as hopeless creatures, always waiting for our knight in shining armor to come and rescue us. But it’s 2016—are we not past this idea? The fact that this was coming from another woman infuriated me. In a time where feminist issues and the equal treatment of women are so pertinent, women should be supporting one another, not trying to tear each other down. And, seriously, a woman should never call another woman a b*tch, no matter how mad we are at her! That is unnecessarily rude and disrespectful and talk like that is what makes the less feminist members of our society think it’s okay to belittle women.
So, to the girl who called me a b*tch and anyone else who sees my independence as inherently negative: go ahead, think negatively of me. That’s your choice. But I will not change myself or my independence to make you or anyone feel better. I will also never judge you because you choose to walk a road alone. I may not always be the best person suited to the job, but I use the skills that I do have, learn from my mistakes, and make it work. That’s just who I am.