Saturday night, myself and three members of my girl squad (Taylor Swift reference because we all want to live forever) went to see Fifty Shades Darker. I’m going to be honest here and say I had completely forgotten what happened in the first movie, but I felt like I could go see it anyways (how complicated could the plot be?).
Spoilers ahead! So if you have seen the movie, or if you don’t particularly care about spoilers, keep on reading! (I tried to keep them minimal.)
1. Okay here we go.
2. There is a middle-aged married couple sitting behind me, not sure what how to feel about that.
3. Wait, is this the beginning of the movie or is it a trailer?
4. Oh it’s the beginning, interesting.
5. Girl dump those flowers out!
6. Or don’t cause you are obviously still in love with him.
7. This is a good song, who sings this?
8. Where is Mr. Grey??
9. Okay Christian definitely bought the pictures.
10. Knew it!
11. Yah girl, don’t let him order for you! You are an independent woman.
12. We all saw this kiss coming.
13. They are back together! What a surprise!
14. Okay your boss is creepy, Anastasia.
15. Ugh, I love the way Christian says Anastasia. I wish that was my name.
16. Whatever you guys are cooking is going to burn if you keep this up.
17. “Kiss me” omg no she did not just say that!!!!
18. Dang boy, you got it going on.
19. Why are you not more scared that you think you saw a random girl in your apartment… Wake Christian up and give him a bat!
20. Or not.
21. He just gave you $24,000. What. How. Why.
22. Christian has some serious control issues.
23. Okay honestly the acting sucks in this but I’m moving past it (not here for the acting if you get my drift).
24. He has a closet for Ana full of gowns, shoes, and jewelry. Where do I sign up for this?
25. How do those balls not fall out? Is it just me wondering this?
26. Okay, good use of money. #charity
27. Slap her.
28. Don’t you dare tell Ana how to feel! I hate you Mrs. Robinson.
29. Wait, Ana has a car?
30. Omg is her boss going to…. Oh she kicked him in the crotch, good!
31. He is the worst.
32. Ya fire him! Good. You go Mr. Grey.
33. This is not NYC…
34. Okay it’s official, the acting sucks.
35. That was the worst joke ever… why are people laughing?
36. I’m surprised they’re not having boat sex right now.
37. Yes, this was my favourite trailer for the movie.
38. There is no way that no one on the elevator noticed what was going on back there.
39. Ugh, I am so single right now.
40. She’s moving in with him? Haven’t they only been dating for a hot second?
41. Something is going to go wrong in this scene I can feel it.
42. Oh look the girl who has been stalking Ana is in her apartment with a gun! What a shock!
43. Something seriously has to be wrong to be THAT submissive. I mean she just got to her knees as soon as he walked in.
44. We’ve all heard that line from a guy.
45. That looks like one kinky sex toy.
46. Seriously, the only good parts of this movie, including the acting, is the sex scenes (and i’m not afraid to admit it).
47. Awww, he’s letting her in.
48. There’s the question we all knew was coming.
49. She’s buying him a key chain for his birthday? The dude could literally buy the whole city if he wanted.
50. We all know Christian is going to come back without a scratch on him.
51. Yup. There he is.
52. The keychain says ~yes~ (cute!).
53. Birthday Drama!
54. You go, Ana.
55. OMG his mom just heard that! I would die.
56. Bye Mrs. Robinson, see you never.
57. Aww a real proposal with a real ring.