Closure has become a common idea to be sought after when something ends. Perhaps sometimes, as humans, we define endings by the existence of closure entirely. Does closure really need to exist to prove or indicate an ending? When does seeking closure turn into defeating the purpose altogether?
The truth is that there are very few things that end with a clean cut. In fact, most times it’s messy, confusing, and left with jagged edges. I think it’s human to crave the clean cut endings, all questions answered, all leftovers satisfied and taken care of – but it’s not always reality. Some things in life will be left unfinished, unresolved, and uneven.
I have learned that sometimes seeking a certain closure delays a form of true healing and connection with oneself. Healing cannot always be tied to hope. Closure locks us onto hope, to the past, to a version that does not exist. In my experience with love and relationships, I have always fought for a certain ending. I have learned, though, that fighting for closure forces a fire, the kind that only leaves you burnt. The clean cut is not something that can be searched for, or created. My most recent relationship did not end clean, as very few things ever do. I found myself spending months fighting for such a specific reality. This did not bring me closer to anything, it only kept me stuck in an in-between. It only kept me from myself, and my healing. I think a lot of people not only expect closure, but rely on it as a foundation. Closure does not need to act as a starting point, and shouldn’t. Closure does not always happen in the way we want it to, if at all. Why rely on something that is not inevitable?
Create your own closure. Take back the power it holds over you, and craft your own. This does not mean leaving things tangled and unfinished, which only carries it over to the next. It’s about acceptance and untangling ourselves from this idea of closure foundations. The hardest part of my breakups was accepting that closure must come from within, not from someone else.
In my experience, this was not easy, and still today I am working through finding solitude. I remind myself that peace returns, renewance returns, and love returns. Love is all around: it’s in the earth, it’s in friendship, it’s in strangers, it’s in creating, learning, breaking, and becoming. I found closure in all the lessons I learned and what a privilege it was to experience love in this lifetime. What a privilege it is to be in a position of limitless opportunities. Closure is the peace you create with yourself and for yourself. Sometimes those conversations we romanticize, as a beautiful goodbye or a solid ending, are not ideal either. So don’t wait, waiting only delays. Closure starts with you, your energy, your baby steps.