I have a problem. Call it a Type A’s dream, or a highly anxious person’s normal, but lately my dreams have been about my to-do list, and not in a good way. I could be comfy cozy in bed, sleep playlist is on, room is a perfect 68 degrees, and I can’t stop thinking about the things I need to do the next day. My life has become so work-oriented that I’ve forgotten the joy of being excited.Â
The latte from the coffee truck on campus that I used to get all the time, but now use as a reward for a hard week/month. The Chinese restaurant spring rolls from down the street and that bottle of wine sitting unopened in my living room. The new sweater I have hanging in my closet that I’m saving for a rainy day. All of those things are just sitting and waiting for me to use, to experience, because I have other things, other tasks, other parts of my life that I need to do, and I’ve completely forgotten about the things that I want to do. But I guess that’s life, right? It’s about getting through it, checking things off the list, being productive, and living the hustle. So much so that now when I want to do something fun, it’s not a break or a reward. It’s something I still have to do, rather than something I get to do.Â
Honestly, the breaking point was seeing the 9 PM event on my calendar: “go out with friends.” All I felt was dread that on a Friday, I had one more thing to do before I could call it a night. And ngl, I felt pathetic. I should have been excited about going out and letting loose with my friends! Getting to do my makeup and hair, picking an outfit, wearing my heels, and dancing while not feeling stressed about tomorrow. But all I could think was Oh great, another thing I have to do. I’ve traveled so far down into the realm of Type A that I’ve become what I fear most (kinda): a workaholic. *gags internally* I’ve started seeing the fun in my life as a chore.
In an effort to reverse this turn of events, I’ve decided my resolution (in late October, because I make the rules) is to find the little joys in my life and actually feel the joy from them. I get to go to dinner with my roommate. I want to get coffee and catch up with that friend I haven’t seen in ages, and talk and gossip and do all the things. I get to dress up three days in a row for Halloween. Is it going to be exhausting? Oh, without a doubt. Will my skin scream at me for wearing a full face of makeup for three days in a row? Absolutely. Will the pictures and memories be worth it? 100%. Why should I be stressed about three whole days of having fun with my friends? Why can’t I instead feel excited?Â
Not everything in your life is a chore, a task, or something to complete. Sometimes, it’s just something to do. It’s just a fun little sidequest, an adventure, a break; it’s just life. I’m telling you from firsthand experience: the second you feel gross at the prospect of having fun, change something in your life. Change your hair, your environment, the foods you eat on a daily basis. Change up your coffee order, wear a funky top to class instead of yet another hoodie and sweatpants that don’t match. Be excited and curious about your life and actually be present in every moment, instead of only treating the mundane as what it is.Â