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A torn pink paper heart strung on white string with a black background.
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West Chester | Culture

The Big Sister You Never Had: Breakup Advice Edition

Sarakate Levanti Student Contributor, West Chester University
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at West Chester chapter and does not reflect the views of Her Campus.

If you are going through a breakup, or have gone through a breakup and haven’t fully healed, I am here to give you some personal advice. Advice in which I have learned myself and from helping others heal from a breakup. Everyone’s experiences are different which is why mine may not relate to you, but it is always worth considering. Don’t doubt these approaches until you at least try. 

  • FEEL
  1. You lost a big part of your life, it’s unhealthy to ignore that.
  2. A truly beneficial way to move forward from a breakup is feeling all those feelings. Holding back does you no good.
  3. It’s tough and it’s challenging, but avoidance catches up to you. Don’t let it consume you at the wrong time or when you’re not prepared for it. Rather be in control and face it. It’ll make you stronger in the end.
  4. Allow yourself that time to grieve so that in the future you can flourish.
  5. It DOES GET BETTER, you may feel stuck and like you’re drowning but it is only temporary. No feeling is forever! If you feel alone, at a loss, or helpless, utilize social media to see how many girls out there have gotten through similar experiences of heartbreak. 
  6. Believe me when I say it is a universal thought that it’ll “never get better”, or “never get easier”. But time heals. Therefore you will heal. Trust the process even though it’s a challenging one.
  • Healing isn’t linear
  1. Everyone’s versions of healing are different, don’t compare yourself to others. Your path is your own. Take the time you need to heal/grieve.
  2. You may feel great some days and then back where you started on others. Don’t let this discourage you!!! Nothing about healing is perfect. No pain just disappears forever. You’ll just learn how to cope with the pain; to where eventually it fades and doesn’t take over you the way it may now. It’s only so strong at the moment because it is a fresh wound. And fresh wounds will sting for a while. You can’t expect instant healing without some scars left behind. Let time take over and do its work.
  3. Don’t beat yourself up if you have an off day or your emotions get the best of you. You are human, and having such powerful feelings is a gift. It may not feel like it in these moments but it’s what makes you who you are.
  4. There is no specific time allotted for you to fully grieve a breakup. Something in the future may trigger you and bring back those emotions; and that is okay. It is part of the process, and does not mean you are back at square one. You have to make room for imperfection. Feel it, accept it, then let that moment go. It’s nothing worth dwelling on so sit through it until you’re ready to put your mind towards something else. 
  • Strengthen the relationship with your friends and family. 
  1. Don’t be afraid to rely on those around you. What better way to mend a broken heart than with that unconditional love you have in other areas of your life?
  2. It is hard to handle heartbreak entirely alone, so reach out! Utilize all the support systems around you. You were so devoted to this one person previously, therefore you had less time to offer to the rest of the people in your life. Take the open time and space as room for them to fill. You may learn to appreciate their company even more.
  3. Confide in those who you trust. True friends will listen and be with you along the way. It’s better to open up than bottle everything up inside. You don’t want to drown in all those emotions to where you feel overwhelmed. Open up to people. And if you need more methods to brain dump your feelings, grab a pen and paper and write everything you are feeling. If you are worried about judgement, there’s no better judge free zone than a piece of paper. (But remember, real friends won’t judge, they will just want what is best for you).
  • Don’t let it define you!
  1. Give yourself time to grieve, but also give yourself time to grow!!!
  2. Don’t give up on yourself just because someone else might’ve. Now is your time to put yourself first. No one else is getting in the way.
  3. All the energy you put into that person can now be put into you and your growth. 
  4. Don’t drown yourself in old feelings, rather go search for new ones!!!
  5. Go and try new things, try new hobbies, travel to new places, meet new people, buy new clothes. 
  6. Search for ways to continue on with your life and fill the void. 
  7. Put together a life that person won’t even recognize anymore. And that is because of your growth! Don’t stay exactly where you were, rather use this time to flourish and grow as an individual. 
  8. You can cry and you can feel heartbroken, but don’t let those feelings turn into excuses that’ll lead you towards bad decisions. Those poor choices are a temporary distraction and won’t actually help/do any good. You will feel so much better if you balance the grieving with healthy habits. Allow that time for yourself to feel, but also time for personal care and to pick yourself up piece by piece.
  9. Surprise yourself and explore new things. Go outside your comfort zone. If you’re already at a vulnerable state, just embrace it and take more risks. You never know what you may learn or pick up along the way. Search for exciting feelings in various activities that will bring you joy. 
  10. You are more than hurtful words that were said to you, you are more than what they think of you, you are more than whatever ended the relationship, and you are most definitely more than just that person’s partner. 

I’m really hoping this information can inspire someone and maybe play a role in your healing process. Remember that it is okay to feel all your feelings, take your time with healing, connect with loved ones, and don’t let this heartbreak define you! We are human. It is important to give ourselves grace in all aspects of our lives, but most importantly during times of heartbreak and loss. What a beautiful thing it is to feel and experience, especially when you become better from it. Just overall remember to be kind to yourself, and know it’s only temporary.

Sarakate Levanti

West Chester '26

Sarakate is the Vice President at Her Campus West Chester. She is a Senior Psychology Major and a Contemplative Studies Minor. She has a passion for creative writing - especially lifestyle content, personal opinions, and current trends!