People tell us, “College is about finding your people and yourself.”Â
True. But they neglected to mention the absolutely nonsensical situations we’d find ourselves in for that to happen. The amount of anxious thoughts worming their way into my daily routine. Am I good enough for them/this/it? The imposter syndrome. There are so many people who deserve this more. People telling you they’re either better than you, or not good enough for you, and being stuck with the feeling of why am I not enough? And as awful as those feelings are, they help you appreciate the good things more.Â
College teaches you the nostalgia of being in the moment. The anticipation of something ending before it happens. Memorizing every moment, the faces in front of you, the sound of your friend group laughing so hard, you wish you could bottle it up. The feeling of walking away from something that could’ve been good, but you know there’s something out there that’s better. It’s about meeting acquaintances, maybe having good times with them, but knowing it’s not permanent. It’s about knowing you can be loved and successful, despite the people who think you can’t. And meeting real friends, the ones who you know will be in your life for a long time.Â
I’m sitting on the couch with my roommates, chatting about life. Talking about new job opportunities, stress about school, and the inevitable grief of moving out in two months. I sat there, remembering how serendipitous it was that we found each other. How unbelievably lucky we were to find six people who are exactly fitted for each other. I think about how I can’t imagine sitting on this couch, in this town, with anyone else. I think about the clubs I’m in, the professors I have, the luck of loving the life I’m building for myself, and knowing it’ll be a good one because I chose it. I chose to be with these people, to live in this amazing college town, to meet those people in class. I chose all of this for myself, and even though it genuinely sucks that college is temporary, the memories themselves are permanent. Not everything is – the bad situations, memories, relationships (friendships or otherwise), those are all temporary. And those will fall away on their own.Â
Think of your life as a fruit tree. We grow, we sprout leaves, and we flower. And eventually, we bear fruit. Whether that fruit is a new job, a new partner, a new friend. I can’t tell you the amount of times growing up where I would wonder if I would ever have that version of life you see in movies. The lives that are full of people and adventures and doing whatever the hell they want, with people who are just the same. And the thing is, as hard as I tried to find that life, I eventually stopped. I thought maybe it wasn’t in the cards for me, that I was destined to just work hard and be alone. But eventually, it fell into my lap. I’ve found those moments of laughter and screaming nonsense at each other until we can’t understand anymore. And in the middle of having this life with things I love, I’ve had other things come into my life. And some things didn’t turn out as successful, but they still taught me so much. They taught me the value of loving yourself without waiting for other people to do it for you. And eventually, finding the people who will love you.