My mom dreamed of her children and future grandchildren living down the street from her so she could see them whenever she wanted. As a kid, I was absolutely thrilled by the idea and was eager to make it happen. Teenage me wasn’t so thrilled and only wanted to get away and live on my own. Freshman year me probably would have had a similar answer, one that included moving to a big city after college and never returning home. Now, living near my parents doesn’t sound so bad, with boundaries of course.
My sister was born five days after my third birthday, so we were inseparable growing up. My mom always told me that my birthday gift was a baby sister. Until our big move when I was 9, my parents were college basketball coaches, so my sister and I were often left with a babysitter. Attached to the hip, we played outside with the neighbors, dressed each other with clothes from our parent’s closet, made the babysitters food from our fake kitchen, and played with a lot of Barbies. I watched her take appliances apart then give up before putting them back together and she would sit not so patiently while I did her nails or makeup. Our babysitters would bring games for us to play and reward us for good behavior by dropping a penny in the jar. Enough pennies bought us an ice cream cone from the shop down the street: the best kind of reward.
When we were lucky, our parents would bring us to practice with them. We would shoot hoops around the gym or jump on the gymnastics equipment lying around the track. Sometimes our parents would include us in practice and let us do drills with the team. As little basketball players, we felt like the coolest kids in the world playing with the college girls. Basketball really bonded my family together. We watched the sport many nights, played games of horse or pig in the driveway, talked basketball 24/7, and spent days on away trips with my parents’ team.
When we moved in 2014, my parents stopped coaching. My sister and I had a lot more free time because we didn’t have to spend it all in the gym with my parents. We made our own friends and slowly started to drift apart. My dad was busy traveling back to his job in our old town and my mom’s new job had the same hours but didn’t allow kids at work. My family was always on different schedules and didn’t spend much time together anymore. I was no longer interested in playing outside with the other children in our new neighborhood so I would sit inside the house alone. I made a few really good friends and started spending all of my free time with them.
Like a lot of other teenagers, things got a bit worse with my family in high school. As a three-sport athlete, I had very little time at home; and the time I did have, my family was often out of the house as well. My mom and I were becoming too similar and began to argue too much. My dad went to bed early so we barely saw each other, and I thought I was ‘too cool’ for my little sister. I spent all my time with friends and definitely not enough with my family. I didn’t value the little time I had with them and that caused a lot of issues. The truth was, I valued my friends more and made a lot of decisions that tested the relationship I had with my family.
Being away at college I have realized how important my family truly is to me. Freshman year I would definitely say I was homesick but not in the same way I am now. I missed my family, but there were a lot of things that I missed about home more. I didn’t have the same kind of status I had in high school and I missed knowing everyone in the halls. I longed for the 5-minute drive to my best friend and being 10 minutes from my boyfriend. I missed being the leader and valuable player I was in high school. Yes, I missed my family, but I craved independence for so long that I was happy to be away from them. The thought of being happier separated from my family really upset me for a while. The guilt I felt every time I had to leave them was too much, so I simply wouldn’t go home. It was really hard to feel like I didn’t truly have a home. I wasn’t comfortable at college because I was constantly seeking what I had at home, but my family home didn’t feel right because I was always craving to go back to school. It was hard to call my parents because I always felt guilty for not calling more often. Calling my sister was even worse because I felt responsible for her loneliness.
This year a lot has changed and most of it has been for the better. I have found a sense of home in West Chester and have gotten used to being independent from my family. Similarly, my family has gotten used to me being away and I no longer feel guilty calling home. While I won’t deny that I cry every time I drive back to school, it is no longer out of guilt but out of sadness. I genuinely miss spending time with them. I miss being there after my parents have a long day at work. I long for a movie night where we spend longer making milkshakes and deciding on a movie than we do actually watching the movie. I miss sitting at the counter while my dad makes dinner and complaining about his choice of background music. I miss being on the same team as my sister and making a big deal out of a sleepover with a friend or a date with her boyfriend. I miss my dad’s hugs and my mom’s laugh and bickering with them both. I miss their advice.
They say you don’t fully appreciate something until you no longer have it, and that is absolutely the case with my family. I regret arguing with my mom and shutting my dad down every time he tried to talk to me. I regret every mean thing I ever said to my sister, and I wish I wasn’t so short with her. I wish I didn’t spend so much time with my friends and made more time for my family. I wish I expressed how grateful I am to have had them in my life. My relationship with my family has changed so much over the years, some for the worse and some for the better, but it is really easy to appreciate them now that I am no longer with them. Being away at college has given me so much time to reflect on my time with them, and I am genuinely so grateful that they gave me a place I know I am always welcome and will always be loved. I hate that it took me this long to realize how much they mean to me, but my family has become the most important thing to me. Now I just hope they know it too. Almost every time we argued, my mom would say I’ll understand when I am older. I hate to say it, but mom, it has only been two years away from you and I really do understand.