If asked about the most important relationship in their lives, most would respond with the name of their romantic partner, or the idea of the person with whom they “want to spend the rest of their lives with,” while referring to their future romantic partner.
With the amount of pressure put on romantic relationships, it is no wonder that it is what people’s minds immediately jump to as their primary relationship. We see it everywhere we go and in everything, we are taught. Think about the number of movies, shows, and books whose plots revolve solely around someone searching for and finding their romantic partner with whom they will spend the rest of their lives. Think also about what happens when those relationships end; when that romantic relationship does not work out, songs, poetry, and stories are written about the devastation felt by one or more of the partners.
That is what we see in our society right? The ups and downs of a romantic partnership are what we are taught to believe to be our main goal and focus. We see it as the centerpiece in the lives of our family members, other friends, and people we walk by on the street. Take for instance the age-old Thanksgiving dinner question asked during the first semester of freshman year of college: So, did you find someone special?
However, what about those who take a side role in those romantic relationships? What about those people who are present in the background, no matter what happens in the story?
Despite being dutifully there for the main character in a rom-com, friends rarely receive the attention they deserve in not only movies and books, but also in many of our lives. That Thanksgiving dinner question wasn’t referring to a special friend, and if someone mentions a partnership, it almost definitely has a romantic connotation. Friendships are so often dismissed as obvious and mundane parts of life because we have had this type of relationship since we were born.
Nevertheless, while we experience friendship at most points in our lives, the definition of “friendship” or of a “friend” varies drastically. As children, we experience much of our friendships through proximity, as it is the people who are immediately around us with whom we become friends. Then, going into adolescence and middle school age, friendships are formed through mutual comfort and convenience. We gravitate towards those who we believe share the same interests and disinterests with us and with those who we believe we “fit.” Moving into high school, assuming the people are the same as in middle school, the friendships that existed in those younger adolescent years are complicated by the introduction of new romantic relationships, more drama, and more jealousy. Even with all of these issues, though, these same friendships tend to continue, in order to provide a shield that masks the loneliness from outside observers.
While these observations about friendship come from my own experience and may differ widely from the lives of others, we can all agree that strong platonic relationships are not stressed enough during our fundamental years of growth as individuals, which is baffling. Being in a loving, caring, and interdependent friendship can radically change someone’s life by providing them with a relationship that is unlike any other. Valuable friendships create stability, teach emotional and conflict resolution skills. They prove that love is not just part of familial or romantic relationships. Rather, friendship embodies love in every way because a friend is…
“Someone who cares for and supports you unconditionally.” – Molly Dale
“Someone who believes in your best self and supports your journey.” – Sami Smolko
“Someone who will eat gluten-free pizza with you.” – Morgan Murphy
With that, I challenge us to view friendships as partnerships full of love and respect, just like any other romantic relationship. These kinds of friendships require time, effort, and open communication to ensure they can be sustained in a healthy way, and even though at times it may be difficult, the relationships built through friendship can change the course of a person’s life.