What was once an intense desire, a yearning, a requirement for so many girls to be happy, may have recently transformed into a sense of embarrassment. In the last week, Vogue raised the question of whether having a boyfriend is embarrassing, sparking a back-and-forth debate on social media. This article seems to be the talk of the town, sparking a surge of posts with girls negating the article with their perfect men or girls emphasizing the article, just glad someone finally said the words.Â
For context, specifically on social media, there has been a shift to the subtle post with a hand on the thigh or their back, as opposed to the seemingly boy obsessed content we all drowned in just months ago. In fact, Vogue brought up the immediate rejection of content that is so boyfriend focused that it seems the woman has nothing else going on. I have even noticed this shift in my own mind, one where I used to envy these girls with their boyfriend at the center of their life with a seemingly perfect relationship, now I just feel disappointed when a new content creator or friend of mine posts with a boyfriend. One would think this article stemmed from a chain of jealousy that is absolutely normal, but you could argue that there has been a shift in society’s perspective on a relationship.Â
In an attempt to play devil’s advocate, Vogue pointed out that there seems to be an overwhelming sense from women with a variety of relationship status that being with a man is almost a guilty thing to do. And why is that? Part of me says here lies the problem: wherever women feel they should be anything, is a battle we’ve been facing for centuries. Our society has always thrown “shoulds” at us, striving to put women in boxes of who they should be and reinforcing the value of a woman being loved and taken care of by a man. So why are we conforming to these “shoulds” and feeling any type of way for just trying to be happy? The answer is we “should not”. But that doesn’t stop the other half of us from instilling a bit of guilt in those who have done the impossible and fallen in love with a man. I will even admit to being a part of this majority.Â
One thing is for sure though, the script is shifting. Being in a relationship doesn’t affirm womanhood anymore. It is no longer an achievement, a flex, and it doesn’t project the same value onto a woman as it once did. In fact, it seems to dim a woman’s light, that light being more apparent when independent. Vogue also brought up the fact that as women, we are “being forced to reevaluate our blind allegiance to heterosexuality” and its normalcy. As the traditional roles of a heteronormative relationship crumble, straight women are finally facing a “politicization” of their sexuality. Vogue quoted, “Why does having a boyfriend feel republican?” And not to get political, but in my mind, the overdue shifts in the status quo of relationships and the roles in which women play in them are contradicting everything the traditional views of America stand for. Women no longer need a man to stand beside them to hold value. In fact, an independent woman seems to be the new trend.
Obviously, falling in love is not a bad thing, and no woman should ever feel they are stuck between a love and feeling guilty. But there is also no shame in being single. There is no shame in trying and failing at a relationship, or not trying at all. There seems to be something special about romanticizing the single life. The life overwhelmed with independence, self love, and love for the people around us. In fact, the simple questioning of whether having a boyfriend is embarrassing may be a large “nail in the coffin of a centuries-old heterosexual fairytale that never really benefited women to begin with”. And until men pick up their slack and decide to turn over a new leaf, I for one will remain on the sidelines of the dating pool.