As a twenty year old girl, there are many things I am deeply passionate about in life: music, friends, walks on the beach, fun drinks at Starbucks, and, of course… Being a hater. I don’t think it’s outlandish to say that if you wrong me, I will keep tabs on you for the rest of my life. I will find things out about you that even you don’t know. I will no longer refer to you by your god-given name, but as simply “my opp”. I will convince myself that I am unbothered and above-it-all.
But, in reality, I will appear extremely, extremely bothered.
I have bad, bad news for those who are like me: it’s not healthy to pray on your opp’s downfall. It takes way more energy than it’s worth, and we do a lot of ugly things in the process that end up making us no better than them. I often revel in these bad habits because there are a billion people on TikTok encouraging me to do so, but we need to break the cycle and become better people (as a chronic hater, that was a very hard sentence to type).
Of course, no mindset change happens overnight. It’s a step-by-step, day-by-day process that not even I have figured out yet fully. However, I’ve cooked up a few ways that we can detach ourselves from those who wronged us instead of fostering a cycle of obsession:
1. cut all contact
The first difficult step in relinquishing your hater ways is acknowledging the fact that you hate someone. Forcing yourself to stay around someone who isn’t aligning with your own fundamental values or needs is only self-sabotage, and isn’t fair to you or them. So… Cut all contact. You may feel selfish, but you’re not. There’s nothing worse than pushing your own feelings about someone down until they explode and ruin everyone else’s fun night. Your reason for hating your opp could be justified, but you have to take initiative and not wreak havoc on your life or anyone else’s.
2. delete your burner account
Now that you cut them out of your life, I bet you’re gonna wonder what they’re up to. Maybe you blocked them on your main Instagram account, so you’re thinking of making another Instagram account – a burner account. You’ll probably call it something like @shein_giveaway12345 to replicate the bot accounts that randomly view stories, and you’ll use it to spy on your opp’s account like it’s your 9 to 5.
Don’t. Do. It. It’ll probably be fun at first (I’ve done this before and yes, it really is), but after a while, you’ll start to feel extremely guilty or bad about it. Obsessively viewing your opp’s social media puts you in a position where you are either constantly comparing yourselves to them or trying to find symbolism in whatever song or infographic they post. Subsequently, they won’t be thinking about you nearly as much as you’ll be thinking about them. Awkward. Embarrassing. Ew. Don’t do it.
3. get off that phone
Bouncing off of step two, the best way to stop praying on your opp’s downfall is to get off of your phone. Go outside. Read a book. Find a hobby. Heal. Literally do anything else.
Finding time during the day to go on “Do Not Disturb” mode helped me learn that I don’t always need to be in-the-loop. Having my notifications off gives me the choice to view certain things, as opposed to having my peace disturbed by a potentially earth-shattering notification at a really inconvenient time. You’ll feel so much better about yourself that you may even forget about your opp entirely.
(This could be you and your friends if you all got off those phones ^)
Not being a hater can be hard work. I, by no means, am saying that you can’t hate, but there are ways we can go about it without letting our opps win. Sometimes we subconsciously end up obsessing over those we hate, and they take up way more energy than they’re worth. It’s 2024, y’all, and we need to heal. Stop praying on your opps’ downfall and read a book or something.