How To Know You’ve Found Your Forever Best Friend

We all experience lots of changes in our lives as we grow, and one area that is especially susceptible to change is friendship. It’s normal to outgrow friendships or have falling-outs. But how do we know when a friend is here to stay? What if we’ve developed trust issues in personal relationships, because of all those negative experiences from the past?

I’ve come to realize a few key requirements of a true best friend over the course of the past year that I’ve spent with mine. Here are some things you can pay attention to to make sure that your friendships are serving you: 

You don’t need a charged social battery to be with her. 

My best friend could call me at any moment and I’d drop everything to answer her. Which is weird, because before her, I didn’t like to call or FaceTime anyone outside of my immediate family. Now, a “I just need to tell you something real quick” call can turn into an hour of just sitting on the phone and rambling, and I don’t mind. If anything, I enjoy it. I call her first and get “mad” when she has to hang up. Sometimes she texts me randomly that she’s on her way to pick me up. The old me would never let someone just come pick me up. I needed plans to be made at least a week in advance, and I prioritized my alone time above all else. Recently, I realized how much I’ve changed. My best friend and I see each other almost everyday, even if it’s just sitting in the same room silently doing our own thing. It doesn’t feel draining. It feels peaceful. I feel happy. I can be myself around her, no matter what. 

She defends your name in rooms you’re not in.

A best friend who is secure will not hesitate to be in uncomfortable situations in order to defend you. We often don’t realize the value of a ride-or-die friend until we have one. In the past, I’ve had friends that weren’t the most loyal. They didn’t intend to be bad friends, it’s just that they were people pleasers and had tendencies to go along with whatever was being said in a group setting. Now, I know that if my best friend got even the slightest vibe that someone was being weird or rude towards me, she would shut it down (and text me right away about it). It’s comforting to know there’s someone out there who will always have your back. You should feel 100% confident that your best friend can be that person for you. 

She sticks with you through the hard times.  

My best friend has seen me at absolute rock bottom. She knows my biggest fears and the depths of my anxiety. She has taken me in completely, becoming my safe space. Once you have a friend who truly sticks with you through the hard times, it will become so obvious how every friend before her was only doing the bare minimum. Some people are always going to be more worried about themselves than what you’re going through, even on your darkest day. Others are going to stop at nothing to make sure you are okay. 

She lifts you up even when she’s down. 

Everyone has bad days, but not everyone uses their bad days as an excuse to snap at you. In the past, I’ve had friends who would become much meaner versions of themselves when they were having personal struggles. This caused me to wonder if I had done something wrong, and usually, I hadn’t. Find a best friend who is still, at her core, nice to you, and honest with you, even when she is not happy that day. A real best friend comes to you for support, instead of trying to drag you down with her. 

A win for one of you is a win for both of you. 

One moment that I knew my best friend was my best friend was when we were talking about my upcoming study abroad trip, and instead of seething in jealousy as some friends may tend to do, she said it was going to be the time of my life and she was so excited for me.  Look for a best friend who has only positive things to add when you tell her good news.

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