One of my favorite Charli XCX songs, “Girl, So Confusing,” featuring Lorde, is both a masterpiece and painfully relatable for any girl in her 20s. Thank you, Charli; it is confusing to be a girl in your 20s. Thank you for making a banging song that I can cry, laugh, and dance to. Charli’s music has a way of putting into words a lot of the feelings that come with navigating your 20s. It’s messy, romantic, frustrating, and her music uniquely explores these feelings. It’s like one day you wake up and go from princess-themed birthday parties to being plunged into adulthood. Responsibilities take over, and you realize you have no idea what you are doing. Not to mention, everywhere you turn, someone is telling you how to act, how to dress, how to put on that picture-perfect version of yourself for everyone to see. Womanhood is a constant tug-of-war between trying to be your own person and getting sucked into the vortex of social media standards and comparison.Â
I often wonder if we are all just tiptoeing through our 20s in hopes that we one day can wake up and say, “Oh wow, I made it through that dumpster fire!” For some, maybe that’s a clear yes, and for others, maybe it’s more of a “dragging my feet and hating every minute” type of deal. Either way, the only way out is through.
Maybe you’re like me, who entered my 20s in a full-blown spiral of anxiety, purchasing overpriced self-help books in hopes that I could gain some precious insight into how to navigate this new decade of my life. P.S. Those books have now grown an alarming layer of dust on them. Or maybe you’re plagued by the plethora of podcast options and have religiously listened to all the self-help episodes with Mel Robbins or Emma Chamberlain… oh, just me?! Regardless of where you fall on the overthinking spectrum, I think the biggest lesson I have learned so far is to embrace it.Â
Unoriginal, I know. Truthfully, though, as someone just entering their 20s, I’ve gone back to this phrase constantly. Whether it was navigating college, new jobs, changing family dynamics, new relationships, breakups, or just trying to figure out who I am, every time I have truly embraced where I’m at and welcomed it all with open arms. It all seems to work out just fine.
We can all relate to the constant battle of waking up one morning feeling on top of the world, and the next being filled with doom and despair. This feeling is a pretty normal occurrence in your 20s, and that’s okay. I think we’ve put so much pressure on ourselves to always perform a certain way, to put on the facade that we have our crap together. When in actuality, we are all in the same boat, teetering on the edge of capsizing, yet somehow managing to hold on a little longer. It’s so easy to compare our lives online. I’m constantly consumed with the question, “Am I doing enough?” The answer is yes. College shouldn’t be about getting every part of your life organized. College should be an expansion of your hobbies, interests, and beliefs.Â
I guess what I’m trying to say is it’s okay to be a mess. Cry, laugh, scream, stumble, learn your way through this new chapter. No one has ever gotten through their 20s without a scratch. Embrace the change, because I have learned that self-growth comes from being uncomfortable. You actually do have time to figure out all the big scary questions life poses to you. Embrace the discomfort of figuring out who you are and use your 20s as the ultimate experiment. Try a new hobby and experiment with a new style. Go up to that girl that you want to be friends with, ask that boy for his number. Call your best friend and rant about whatever crisis you’re going through that week. Try, again and again, and fail, again and again. See what sticks.Â
I once heard, “Your 20s are the rough draft. Stop trying to make it look like the final copy.” Let this phase of your life be the messiest rough draft imaginable; meet yourself exactly where you are and step away from the constant comparison trap. There is no perfect road map to follow, no genie to grant you the answers. Our 20s should not be a daunting to-do list; they should be a rough draft that we continue to edit and rewrite.
Girl, it’s so confusing sometimes, but we got this.Â