If you felt an instant connection to the title, hi. From one invisible friend to another, welcome. It’s not all that easy, right? It’s hard to feel your worth in a friendship circle, especially in those large ones. Friend groups all look different: gossip gangs in high school, the popular athletes who never fell apart, the wine-obsessed millennial moms running the local playground. But at the end of the day, it’s all kind of the same: everyone trying to fit in, everyone trying to feel that spark of belonging. Once you’re in, you’re in. Except if you’re the invisible friend. Then you’re… sometimes in and sometimes out, I think.
Being the silent supporter is exhausting. Cheering your group on, hyping them up, laughing at their jokes, while deep down, you’re wondering if anyone even notices when you’re zoned out and awfully silent. I remember the first time I realized I was the invisible friend in middle school. Sitting in my room while my “friends” laughed about sleepovers and movie nights I was never invited to. It stung in a way I couldn’t bring myself to admit then, but I get it now.
Here’s the kicker. It doesn’t always change when you become an adult. It’s fun and games until you send something in the group chat and it gets completely overlooked, but your “bestie” posts a blurry pic of her dog and suddenly the chat explodes with messages. That’s when it hits you—you’re in the circle, but you’re not truly in the circle.
College and adulthood make it even harder. New friendships, sororities, group projects, roommates, endless “we should hang out soon!” texts that never actually happen. It’s a gut-wrenching blast of multiple emotions. This is when you really need your newfound village, and that’s exactly why being the invisible friend cuts deeper.
Sometimes I feel like I’m living in a bad TV show. Everyone else is the main character with multiple storylines going at once, and I’m just… there. Filling space. Clapping when I’m supposed to. And maybe you’ve felt that too.
From one invisible friend to another, don’t blame yourself. Being invisible in the wrong group doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. It just means those aren’t your people. And when you finally find the ones who make you feel loud and shiny and bright? You’ll know. You won’t have to beg to be seen.
And hey, here’s a silver lining: at least if you’re not invited to that Saturday night dinner, you don’t have to split the $300 check for food you didn’t even like. (Too soon? Maybe. But still true.)
In all seriousness, though, you’ll find your people. It might take a few months, it might take a few years. But once you do, life suddenly feels a little lighter. A little faster. And a whole lot more fun!