One could say that it sucked. If you’re only looking at the hours of sleep I got. And the unconventional meal times. The blurry readings every night and the hours spent combing through outlines. The missed nights out with my roommates. Multitasking with the TV on. 6 am alarms and 1 am bedtimes.Â
But then again, oh how wonderful it was. I was so into my work that I forgot about bedtime—having the privilege of being busy. Still going out every Thursday as a reward for my longest day. Roommate reruns of The Office and New Girl. Waking up and seeing the sun start its day with me.Â
I might be burnt out now (#finalsweek) but it lets me view the past so clearly. I remember moving into this apartment and thinking “all that matters is school.” I studied and I printed and I typed. I remember being so eager for the semester to start and feeling fulfilled again, thinking that only academic validation is what I was after. But now, on the other side of junior year, I think differently. Sure, the good grades and effort mean a lot to me. Of course, the long days were hard and rewarding and gruesome. Picking five outfits a week is insanely hard. I only have so many iterations of jeans and a top, guys. But that’s not all that mattered to me. In fact, I think it made other things matter more to me.Â
The once in a lifetime roommates who taught me how to have fun. Learning to make time for myself and others. I realized that even though I’m working towards my future and career, I need to build a life and a village to get there. I needed to be someone’s village and show them that they can be mine too. Making those bonds despite everything else going on in life is really what matters. I wish I could carve those memories into stone and trace my fingers over them. Feel the laughter and the glasses of blueberry wine all over again. I wish I could bottle up the feeling of meeting that person who you know is a bit strange. But you couldn’t imagine ever living without them again. I wish I could print out every picture I’ve taken this year, and make a time lapse to live through again.Â
I wish, I wish, I wish. Â
I hope.Â
I hope senior year is just as good as junior year. I hope I’m fulfilled, and I hope I make people feel fulfilled. I hope no matter how busy I get (18 credits and law school applications), I still make time for cafĂ© study dates and midnight shots after cram sessions. I hope I have roommate reunions and messy nights out. I hope I do it all.Â
To junior year: thank you for teaching me what I was missing. For pushing me so hard and tasting so sweet at the same time. Here’s to one more year:)