I want to start this article off by saying that I am no relationship therapist. I, absolutely in no way shape or form, have any degree in advice-giving performance. But I can say this – I know I have found “the one”. I know I am in the healthiest relationship I have ever been in. I know I am still young, but old enough to realize what is real and what is not. I have been with my partner for about three years now, even though it feels much longer. My partner and I are high school sweethearts – which makes our relationship even more special to me. We have grown together in so many different ways; it is easy to say we are both completely different people than when we first met. Here are five signs that made me realize I am with the person I am meant to be with and five signs you should check off of you are wondering the same thing.
- You grow together every day
Life is hard, but a relationship is strong. A couple that views each day as an opportunity to grow is special. My partner and I are completely different people now than when we first met. Neither of us knew what a healthy relationship looked like. Through the lenses of our parents’ relationships, we had just a vision of what we wanted our future relationships to look like, but of course no one actually knows until that vision becomes a reality. We figured out our relationship together and thought of each day as an opportunity to fall more and more in love, as cringy as that sounds. We have not only grown as a couple but also as individuals, supporting each other through ups and downs. This is crucial to a healthy relationship and ultimately a healthy state of mind.
- You have talked about your future openly and freely
As a young adult, getting “old” can seem like a million years away. Your future is always thought of, but sometimes that vision can become blurry and lost. In a relationship, the thought of sharing your life together should not be a scary thought or something that is taboo in your relationship. In a healthy relationship, this conversation comes naturally and is one of the biggest steps. Setting boundaries at the beginning of your relationship is also important because it will give you a sense of the relationship is meant to last. If your partner is willing to take the next steps and talk about your future, you should feel comfortable to do the same. And if you do not, then let them know. It is okay to wait and take things one day at a time. You should not feel the need to hold back on your career for someone else. Set goals for your own future first and then sculpt your relationship around it. If you are in a healthy relationship, your partner will not manipulate your vision of your future to fit perfectly into theirs. Relationships are about compromise, and it is okay to put yourself first.
- You have met each other’s families and feel comfortable around them.
The biggest advice I can give to this point is that every family is different, and no family is perfect. That does not mean you should feel the need to hide or be ashamed of your family. A healthy relationship means loving each other despite the variables out of your control. When I first met my partner’s family, I quickly realized how different our two families are. He comes from a big family who lives not too far from each other, where he is the oldest of two other siblings. On the other hand, I come from recently divorced parents with an older sister who is living on her own. My family practically lives one thousand miles from each other, and it is hard to keep in touch. Naturally, I was always hesitant to bring my partner over because I did not want to explain the sticky situation my family was in. To put it bluntly, I was embarrassed that my family was not “good enough” for him. The important thing about a healthy relationship is that these situations do not affect your feelings toward each other. Rather, they make you feel closer by connecting with each other’s families and becoming more engaged in each other’s life. You have the vision in the back of your head that these people could soon become your in-laws, and you’re okay with that. I adore my partner’s family and I love the bond we have shared since day one.
- You don’t compete with each other
When you spend a lot of time with someone, it is easy to start to feel competitive. It is a normal feeling to always want to “one-up” someone, who may seem better than you or superior. You should never feel the need to out-do your partner in any way. Sexually, physically or mentally. Successes should be celebrated, not thought of as a competitive edge between partners. Supporting your partner, and vice versa is a key part of any relationship. Be proud of them; show them you care and value their achievements.
- You put each other first while keeping yourself in mind
Life can throw curveballs at you. Things get in the way and life just happens. You get distracted and thrown off, angry, misunderstood, and everything in between. No matter what you are feeling, you put your relationship first. Caring for not only yourself but another person is an extremely difficult thing to do. You have to keep yourself healthy and happy, but you will always have this other person as your other “half” to look after as well. Putting each other first can mean different things, but most of all, it means doing things that make each other happy. It does not mean spending a ton of money or staying up all night to talk to them. But to simply be present and a person who is constant in your partner’s life goes a long way.
Relationships are tricky, especially in college when you are finally on your own and getting your life together. “When you know, you know” is something I always heard in movies, read about in magazines, and listened to from my friends. I did not want to believe it, because I wanted someone to come into my life right away. If I could give anyone advice about relationships, it would be that exact quote. When you find that person, you will know instantly. The way they treat you, the way they carry themselves all while being their own, confident person makes you realize everything you want in a relationship. Your person is worth the wait, and trust me, you will want to wait for that person to be in the healthiest relationship of your life. I know I did.